“To Conform or Be Cast Out: A Story on Finding True Happiness” by Lauren Cohen

People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.

---Unknown

What would have happened had our ancestors not chosen to progress forward and make life easier? Would we be more carefree, like the Bushmen in Jamie Uys’ 1980 film, The Gods Must Be Crazy? Unfortunately, there is no empirical way to answer the question. However, what can be answered is how the decision to progress forward has shaped the society that we have come to know. Our lives are very similar to the urbanites in Uys’ movie. While we have been walking the path of progress, fitting ourselves into a daily schedule and a select set of social norms, we have forgotten one of the most important things in life: happiness. Unlike the Bushmen, it is rare for a member of our society to feel joyous well-being. Should it happen to someone, that individual is often judged as selfish, their felicity in question. If the only thing we care about is conformity and keeping busy, we may lose sight of the gifts that contentedness and love can bring.

Uys expands on the difference between the Bushmen and Western society by depicting Kate Thompson following the same exact routine every. As the voice-over reminds us, Western society expects its citizens to “adapt and readapt himself to every day and every hour of the day to his self-created environment” (Uys 06:25). Because humankind chose to force their natural surroundings to adapt to their own needs, they now have to readapt their lives to fit into what they have made. Life consists of waking up, going to work or school, going back home, eating dinner, doing homework, and then going to sleep, with some other activities and chores plugged in here and there every now and then. This type of a life is the typical day-to-day circumstances that just about every person leads. It is how Kate Thompson lives, given that she has a conventional job as a journalist. The problem is that these individuals are not necessarily enjoying their quality of life, at least not like the Bushmen.

In the Kalahari Desert, the Bushmen have adapted their lives to nature, as opposed to making nature adapt to their lives like Western civilization. The Bushmen rely on the resources found within the natural surroundings around them for survival. Competition does not exist; there is no sense of ownership and no bitterness. As the narrator puts it, “they must be the most contented people in the world” (Uys 02:46). They feel blessed for everything they have, and believe that the gods have given them everything they will ever need. Their lives are peaceful. That is, however, until Xi finds an empty Coca-Cola bottle that “fell out” of the sky.

Because of their strong belief that the gods send them essential needs, the Bushmen take the Coke bottle as a gift. They, then, learn how to use it for many different tasks and adapt it into their everyday lives; it becomes a snake skin smoother, a pounder for food, “ a musical instrument, a patternmaker, a fire starter, a cooking utensil, and, most of all, an object of bitter controversy” (Ebert, par. 2). Despite never having felt anger, hatred, or jealousy before, the Coke bottle invokes these exact emotions. Tension builds, anger arises, the feeling of ownership develops, and, worst of all, violence breaks out. After the tribe realizes how the bottle has changed them, they unanimously decide that it is best to get rid of the so-called “evil” bottle. So, Xi takes a journey to the “end of the earth” to “throw it off” (Uys 15:03). Making this sort of decision is not necessarily an easy one; that is, to most Western people. However, the Bushmen value their love and happiness over having life made easier for them.

That the Bushmen came to the decision to rid themselves of the Coke bottle so quickly shows how vastly different, and in a sense wiser, they are than their Western society counterparts. Had those in the cities been faced with a similar issue, that of having a single object to share in order to make life easier, all hell would have broken loose. When one thinks of it, that event reflects exactly what happened hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago when Western civilization chose to make life “easier” while natives, like the Bushmen, chose to value love and true happiness amongst each other. “Xi understands that his people have two choices . . . progress or happiness. Our ancestors chose the former, and the world has expanded . . . Xi and his tribe make the opposite choice” (Kaston, par. 2). Our ancestors chose to make their lives “easier” by inventing things, creating governmental systems, and implementing different forms of employment. However, having all these elegant social structures have made life harder rather than easier. Competition was created, rich versus poor ideals formed, tension built over time, and life as we know it has gotten to the point of there being more hate and jealousy than love. This is not the case with the Bushmen; they care for each other, and make sure that every individual is safe and satisfied. So, where did we go wrong?

We failed to ensure that our emotional well-being was stable. We put so much pressure and care into making our physical lives better that we never considered the emotional repercussions. Modern society has become so fixated on the idea of improvement and conformity that we are more stressed and depressed than ever. Just like Kate in Uys’ movie, we are being put into normal jobs that will make us money but that also bring us despair. The only difference is that we are scared to do anything about it. Kate takes a leap of faith and decides to completely change her life by becoming a teacher for children in Botswana after learning about the position through her journalism job (Uys 25:58). Not many people in today’s society would even give that idea a second chance, let alone go through with it. Unfortunately, we have become programmed to adapt to the world around us. But Kate changed the programming when she realized that it was off course. The main issue with our society’s programming is that we are forcing a world to adapt to us, yet are never truly satisfied with the changes.

Competition exists in just about every area of life. From the social ladder to economic classes to the expensive items we buy on a daily basis, competition stems from the idea that there always needs to be a new advancement in technology. With this constant change, there is next to no room for us as a society to learn and adapt to our new surroundings. With each new iPhone or new version of Amazon’s Alexa or new autopilot car, like the Tesla, that comes out, society grows ever-desperate trying to get these new pieces of technology in their hands. The problem with this is that not everyone has the availability to get it. But we make it important to have these new toys and if one does not have it, they are automatically seen as less than. Our self-value is based around the items that we can or cannot have. We will consider ourselves to be less than those who can afford the next new and improved “magic power devices” (KP). This need to adapt and conform to societal standards has threatened us, yet we have not even noticed it. 

The main focus of society’s worries and fears is judgment and standing out. It is one of society’s (most specifically our generation’s) main illnesses (Picciano, par. 2). We are so scared of being different that we will conform to whatever society deems appropriate, regardless if we disagree with it or not. This is especially seen within teens. It has become common for “teenagers [to] conform to anything and everything to avoid standing out in the fear of being judged or exiled by their peers, even if they do not agree to the beliefs of the clique they have chosen to fit into” (Bhatia, par. 3). They will do anything in their power to fit in and not be seen as an outsider. This is the type of behavior that leads to the landing of “normal” jobs and living the typical daily lives seen within The Gods Must Be Crazy. We thrive on the idea that we need to be like everyone else and live a “full” life, which is filled with next to no downtime set aside for personal care or growth. The lives that we, and those “urbanites” in the movie, chose to live has turned into this “Normative Social Influence: the idea that we comply in order to fuel our need to be liked or belong” (Green 05:55). Psychologically speaking, we want nothing more than to be seen as normal and follow whatever the current trend is in society. This sort of behavior is nothing new, as psychologists have been experimenting with the idea of conformity for over 60 years.

Solomon Asch, a social psychologist, conducted an experiment about conformity back in the 1950s. The experiment consisted of putting a participant in the same room as seven other “participants” (men who worked with Asch on the experiment) and finding out whether or not the real participant would conform to the answer that the other seven already agreed on. The participants had to distinguish which comparison line matched that of the “target” line that Asch presented to them. What Asch found was that, “On average, about one third (32%) of the participants who were placed in this situation went along and conformed with the clearly incorrect majority on the critical trials” (McLeod, par. 11). Asch discovered through this experiment that “People conform for two main reasons: because they want to fit in with the group (normative influence) and because they believe the group is better informed than they are (informational influence)” (McLeod, par. 16). Despite knowing that the answer was wrong, the men did not want to be seen as the “outsider,” so they went along with the incorrect answer. It is this constant need and desire to be like everyone else that we have lost a very important aspect to living a decent life: happiness and love.

There is this so called “happiness famine” (Morrill, par. 5) in society and it has caused us to lack empathy and love for each other. Most importantly, it has caused us to lose happiness for not only others, but ourselves. We are constantly wanting new “toys” and crave getting the newest technological device. So, when we are unable to get them, we become unhappy with ourselves, and after a while, it leads to self-hatred. Along with this, we force ourselves to follow the “rules” that society has laid out for us: go to school, get a degree, get a 9-5 job that will pay good money, get married, have kids, buy a big house, be rich, and boom, we have the “perfect” life. The problem, however, is that there is no such thing as a perfect life and because of that, we will never be truly happy or satisfied with where we are in life. 

We have let this concept of a perfect life consume us. It has gotten to a point where “stress consumes the population as everyone scrabbles for that house with the picket fence which they never truly get to enjoy because work is always hanging over them” (Morrill, par. 5). Because this is what society says we should have, we feel horrible when we are unable to have it. Unlike the Bushmen, we stress ourselves out trying to get the “perfect” life that an imperfect society has carved out. What this has caused is a dramatic shift in emotional and mental health, and causes distance between us and our loved ones. We live believing that “modern society equals fullness with meaning so if schedules are always booked then life must be wonderful” (Morrill, par. 7). A majority of the time, we never have time for one another, so we tend to not know what it means to love or to be happy. It has gotten to a toxic point where because of this societal pressure to be like everyone else and to have a full schedule, our mental health has worsened as a whole. This is especially true within teenagers.

Teens are being crushed under the weight of needing good grades, having a perfect social life, getting enough personal time for themselves, and, worse of all, not being seen as an “outsider.” In Rush’s 1982 song, “Subdivisions,” Neil Peart wrote, “Subdivisions in the high school halls, in the shopping malls; conform or be cast out. Subdivisions in the basement bars, in the backs of cars; be cool or be cast out” (Rush). Peart was referencing how society has created these so-called subdivisions in every aspect of life. This is especially true for students in high school. There are numerous social groups that students get placed into, and if one is to be placed in the “wrong” one, they are automatically cast out and deemed unworthy. This is the experience that I had growing up, not only in high school, but throughout my entire school life.

I was not like the “typical” girl, nor did I fit in any mold that society (specifically the one I grew up in) had premade for the different types of teenagers. This “typical,” ideal girl is the popular, outgoing, kind, friendly, party girl with an ever so slight edge. I, on the other hand, was the shy, overly nice, nerd, who loved the “wrong” music, and was obsessed with theater. I was the outsider and people thought that made me really weird, and for some time, I thought the same thing. This, then, led to my mental health becoming severely worse than it already was, resulting in an extreme case of anxiety and a very mild case of depression. But I am not the only one who goes through this. Mental illness is being diagnosed more than ever and it all stems from the society we live in, most specifically, the lives we have forced ourselves to live.

Because we want the job that makes good money, we get ones that are not necessarily what we dreamed for and end up dreading going to work. We no longer pursue dreams and are scared to work outside of the limits that society has set for us. However, we can live a life that we want and desire. The only thing it takes is stepping outside of that social norm. Take Andrew Steyn, for instance. He has a job that requires him to analyze animal excrement, yet he is content and happy. He is a scientist, one who is proud of where he is in life. Another example is when Kate makes the move to the Kalahari. It is instantly recognized that she is more content being with her students than trapped in the cubicle she used to work within. If we were to follow in their footsteps, maybe we would learn true happiness again.

In order for our society to grow and help the growing mental health crisis, we need to come together again to break these societal norms. As a person who is doing her best to break those social norms, I know how scary it is. I went from wanting to be a physical therapist to a geneticist to being a filmmaker. I may have to struggle in order to live my dream life and will have to work my butt off to make money, but I am okay with that. I would rather be happy living a life doing something I love, something that may mean sacrificing a larger paycheck, as opposed to a life where I am unhappy, stressed, and despise my job.

If we are to have a society that loves and is filled with happiness again, like the Bushmen, we need first allow ourselves to open up and learn what we want in life. With this, we will find true happiness within ourselves. This will, then, spread to each other and we will have a society filled with love and respect and kindness. It is a hard thing to accept but, “until our culture can choose peace of mind over higher productivity, we will never self-actualize like the Bushmen of the Kalahari Desert” (Kaston, par. 7). The moment we as a society prioritize ourselves and those around us is the moment that we will truly grow. But until that happens, we will be stuck in the harsh conditions of Western civilization. The real question is, who will be the one to step up first and break down the walls society has built around us?

Works Cited

Bhatia, Jill. “Teens struggle to combat conformity.” Daily Records, AsburyPark, 15 Feb. 2017 https://www.dailyrecord.com/story/opinion/letters/2017/02/15/teens-struggle-combat-conformity/97896120/ 

Ebert, Roger. “The Gods Must Be Crazy” RogerEbert.com, Roger Ebert,  1 Jan. 1981. https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/the-gods-must-be-crazy-1981 

Gordon, Paul Kirpal. Various class Discussions

Green, Hank, director. Social Influence: Crash Course Psychology #38. YouTube, YouTube, 11 Nov. 2014, www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=12&v=UGxGDdQnC1Y. 

Kaston, Brandan. “The Price of Happiness is Actually Free” Taking Giant Steps, 2 Nov. 2018, https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2018/11/the-price-of-happiness-is-actually-free.html 

McLeod, Saul. “Solomon Asch - Conformity Experiment.” Simply Psychology, Simply Psychology, 28 Dec. 2018, www.simplypsychology.org/asch-conformity.html. 

Morrill, Morgan. “The Ironic Hospitality of the Kalahari Desert” Taking Giant Steps, 14 Mar. 2018, https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2018/03/the-ironic-hospitality-of-kalahari.html 

Picciano, Kelsey. “Just Another Loose Brick in the Wall” Taking Giant Steps, 16 July. 2016, https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/search?q=just+another+loose+brick+in+the+wall

Rush, “Subdivisions”, Signals, Terry Brown, Le Studio, Quebec, 1982

The Gods Must be Crazy. Directed by Jamie Uys, performances by N!xau, Marius Weyers, and Sandra Prinsloo. 20^th Century Fox., 13 July. 1984. 123Movies

The Gift That Keeps on Giving by Sofie Ramirez

   

I understand what students go through with the four issues of the university industry: admissions, cost, career training, and community. I can see how all four can have the capacity to beat us all down. However, I have a unique experience that I would like to celebrate, something that puts me in a position in which these issues are something I have not had to worry about. Rather than worry, I have something to uplift others up and demonstrate that our situations never have the power to defeat us unless we give it to them. If Pablo Picasso had it right when he said, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away” (Picasso, par. 1), then my gift is the diverse background I was raised in and the woman I was raised by. Everything my mother taught me shaped the way I view the world and the part I can play to conquer its problems, rather than letting the problems conquer me. She showed me that there is so much more knowledge to be gained than what can be taught in a classroom. I learned that people must aim to strengthen their understanding of the many diverse backgrounds that make up the world and be willing to learn from each one of them. Through doing this bonding we find what makes us different and how these differences can come together in order to achieve a shared goal. We discover the unique piece of the puzzle that in turn makes the picture whole. Knowledge, experience, and empathy are the gifts that my mother gave me, and she is the gift that keeps on giving.

I believe that people have the potential to be more than the situations they are given; a poor daughter of uneducated immigrants living in the ghetto can become a first-generation college student, senior vice president of a bank, and a mother in the suburbs; a boy growing up in an abusive household may take an oath to protect and serve as an officer; someone growing up in an atmosphere of uniformity and discrimination may remain utterly fascinated with people’s differences rather than conforming to their similarities. If we are open to an empathetic and cooperative learning environment in which “... no one teaches another, nor is anyone self-taught. People teach each other, mediated by the world…” (Freire 1), as opposed to a banking concept of education, we may rise above all of the obstacles in our path. The real issue lies not in the university but the education system as a whole. We are taught that success is only real if it is for our own personal gain. However, we cannot get admitted if we are too self-involved to branch out and become well-rounded; we cannot pay for school if academic achievements alone are not enough to guarantee a scholarship; we cannot succeed in a career if not taught to work well with others and we may not enter our communities as active citizens if the only person we wish to help is ourselves. 

How then do we succeed? How do we not let ourselves get lost in the cracks, swallowed by the beast that is the university industry? If I can learn respect from Rodney and in turn he experiences kindness; if I can learn courage from Sarah and in turn show her understanding; if I, a bisexual Puerto Rican Jewish woman, am open to learning the experiences of a straight white agnostic man, have I not grown in my understanding? Have I not put my ideas under a microscope only to discover they were not so different from the beliefs of the person next to me? As Kelsey Picciano wrote in her blog post, “The reality I now knew was an expanded and fuller understanding of how I, as a single individual, fit into this whole big world” (Picciano, par. 1). If we open our hearts and our minds to the wisdom of others, we become a force so strong that nothing can tear us apart or knock us down. In Ria Shah’s blog post she wrote:

Walking the streets of Mumbai, tightly gripping my mom’s hand, a boy my age with a grin on his face, grateful for the two coins in his palm, looked me in the eye. Instead of seeing him as separate from me, I felt as if I were staring into my own reflection…. Distorted in many ways yet perfectly positioned, he was artistically flawless in delivering a unifying message. I saw myself inside his begging body. I realized at this moment that we human beings are fundamentally forbidden to shield ourselves from events outside our comfort zones. This unknown, unnamed boy, born into the lowest caste and purposefully made to warrant sympathy, rests inside all of us—it’s the voice telling us that we are all one in this meshed-out game, so struggle to be your best and I’ll struggle to be mine (Shah, par. 13).

This experience of oneness is what opened twelve-year-old Ria up to the connectivity of the world. As an adult, she sees that differences are superficial and understanding is universal. Is this not success? If all people on Earth learn that through cooperation things can improve, have we not defeated the divisive education system that aims to put us at constant odds with each other? Success is more than getting good grades; it is more than money, more than a job or a nice house surrounded by a white picket fence. Success transcends the tangible and is, in fact, achieving a reality in which human beings can work together towards the betterment of the world.

Ria’s powerful experience of Advaita (unity) reminded me of a lesson I learned at Temple Emanuel: a Jewish philosophy called תיקון עולם or Tikkun Olam. It roughly translates to “to heal the tear in the world” (Barnahum). It is the idea that our success solely depends on the ability of all people from all belief systems, races, ethnicities, political parties and walks of life to work together until the world is repaired. The reason I have not felt defeated or beaten down by the university industry is because I never came here with the idea that the classes at Hofstra University would make me whole. I came here with the idea that the people I meet, the relationships I form and the knowledge I gain outside of the classroom will lead to “the tools to live a principled, significant and meaningful life and thereby to ultimately and collectively improve society” (Gordon, par. 1). The university-industry may not defeat me if I do not give it the power to be fully in charge of all of my education. Through working together we may become individuals with a more diverse understanding in an environment in which we lift each other up rather than tear each other down:

I am a citizen of the universe. For why do you say that you are an Athenian, instead of merely a native of the little spot on which your bit of body was cast forth at birth? … When a man therefore has learnt to understand the government of the universe and has realized that there is nothing so great or sovereign or all-inclusive as this frame of things… why should he not call himself a citizen of the universe… (Epictetus 1).

 

If my mother is able to learn from her environment and if I am able to learn from my mother and if we are all able to learn from each other, then we have put ourselves in a position where we cannot possibly fail. If we get over the problems plaguing our generation---the tendency to be self-involved, distance ourselves from others and be in constant competition---we may learn from each other and achieve our success together. We are citizens of the world first, new members of our communities next, students at Hofstra and then our own people. This is not to say that we give up on who we are; on the contrary, it is that we use our unique identities to create a bigger picture.

What I am asking for is a revolution, not in the university but in our own thinking. What I am asking is that we keep our minds open to the experiences of others and use their wisdom to gain our own. We teach our communities the value of understanding, love, acceptance and תיקון עולם so that the university cannot defeat us because we have gone beyond it. One can still see the value in their degree, in their specialized education, in their own individual goals; so long as we are aware that as citizens of the universe it is our duty to use them to better society and not just ourselves. “Knowledge comes mostly from experience and from learning about the people in your world rather than learning about the world apart from them” (Parker, par 4). The university industry may seem like a tough one to beat if one thinks they are on their own. Fighting against “the system” may seem appealing until we realize that through joining it and changing it from the inside we succeed. The gift of unity is one the never ends: the gift of love and of learning. These gifts are how we succeed, these gifts are the knowledge we impart, they are the gifts that keep on giving.

Works Cited

Barnahum, Daniel, Rabbi of Temple Emanuel of East Meadow. May 2015. 

Epictetus. “The Discourses and Manual, Together With Fragments of His Writings.”

Freire, Paulo. “Banking Concept of Education”

Gordon, Paul Kirpal. “Essay 3 Prompt”. 

Parker, Morgan. “Gettin’ Queer for Dope: Learning How to Learn About LGBT Identity”. 04 February 2016. https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2016/02/gettin-queer-for-dope-learning-how-to.html

Picasso, Pablo. Personal Quote “Essay 3 Prompt” 

Picciano, Kelsey. “Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity” 28 January 2016.

            https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2016/01/forging-whitmanic-post-traditional.html

Shah, Ria. “Has The University Stolen the Fire in our Bellies?”. 27 October 2015.

            https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2015/10/has-university-stolen-fire-in-our.html

I Dare You: Reflections on Identity by Emily Rivera

Who am I? There is no string of words that I can use to define myself, but I think that is the best definition.  How can one define what is always growing, continuously re-shaping, changing in such a way as to defy category or logic?  Over the past three months of college I have come to define myself as an individual capable of learning, re-thinking past behaviors and changing my future. Harriet Lauler, authors Gloria Anzadua and Alan Watts and bloggers Kelsey Picciano and Morgan Parker have challenged, enlarged, and resolved my sense of personal identity.

In the movie The Last Word Harriet Lauler says, “This is saying good morning, and what does that really mean?  Please don’t have a nice day.   Have a day that matters.  Have a day that’s true.  Have a day that’s direct.  Have a day that’s honest.  A nice day, mmm-mmm.  You’ll be miserable. [...] Have a day that means something” (Pellington).  This strong, independent woman goes after what she wants while challenging others to reach their true potential.  She dares the people around her to be themselves and to take a leap toward something they have always wanted but never had the courage to grab.  She understands that “wonder is not a disease” (Watts 3) but the cure. All my life I have been afraid to go after what I truly yearned for out of fear of making a horrible mistake. Just like Kelsey Picciano in “Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity,” I felt empty due to my lack of accepting myself, which further prevented me from being who I am.  I would hesitate to speak when it truly mattered and stay in situations I knew I should get out of.  I felt like my tongue had “become dry [from] the wilderness [...] and [I had] forgotten speech” (Anzadula 3).  Paralyzed in my state of silence, I felt out of place not only due to my own hands holding me by the throat, but from my unexplored culture.  My mom, a single mother, raised me, and although I admire her courage of walking away from someone who did not and could not provide what she needed, I never learned of my Puerto Rican roots.  I am a latina who cannot speak Spanish, a latina who cannot cook arroz con frijoles, a latina who cannot cherish those sobremesas. You would never guess the amount of times someone said, “No sabes tu lengua? ¡Qué vergüenza!” I hated every second of not being able to be my entire self. I blamed myself. I did not feel good enough to make my dad stay. 

In my senior year of high school this perception that I was the problem started to change.  Out of my curiosity for psychology, I learned about cognitive behavioral theory. It explains how a thought leads to an emotion which causes a behavior. For example, let’s say the boyfriend left the toilet seat up after numerous times of my asking him to remember to put it down. It causes me to think, “He does not respect me or care about my feelings.” Upset and mad, I later lash out at him for the possibly incorrect conclusion I drew from the evidence. If I could think differently about the situation, I would act and feel differently. Instead of deciding that he does not care, I could realize that mistakes happen. Since it does matter to me, I could tell him how well loved I feel when he does put the seat down, that even little things that he does for me mean so much. By sharing a positive experience of his behavior and taking responsibility for my own, I initiate rather than react in a submissive role.  Learning this theory helped me realize we have to be honest with the people around us because most relational issues are due to misconceptions of what is expected. In order to have better relations it is necessary to have the courage to freely talk to our loved ones about our emotions and thoughts. It also helped me understand that it was not really my fault that the man who was supposed to be my father did not understand responsibility and commitment. If he does not know me, I cannot blame myself for his ignorant choice.

Even though cognitive behavioral theory helped me get over my problems with my biological father, I have not yet applied this method to my lost culture. I not only have to live with that, but I also have to live with being the only one of my kind. All of my siblings are only half of me, which has made me feel out of place. Just like Gloria Anzadua, I could not identify with the standards in my life; I was on my own in a house that did not feel like a home. Reading about Gloria's struggle taught me that I have to embrace myself as who I am, so that I can become who I want to be. I have to create my place in the world instead of waiting for it to be thrust upon me; I need to have the courage to say you are wrong and not falter under my own weight. That form of family is not necessarily blood, but the people who push you to do better in life and love you no matter what.

All these events occurring in my life can be viewed as a problem that can never be solved, but in my eyes, they are lessons faced and learned. They are moments in my life that made me who I am today. I may have a terrible biological father, but I have an amazing stepfather who loves me and cares about me, and without the hardships faced from that, I would not have been able to appreciate and return that love as much as I can and do now. I may not have grown up with my culture, but that does not mean I have to live without it. As humans, we fight for what we want, and if you do not get it, you did not want it badly enough to sacrifice and push yourself to success. There is so much to gain from everything. Let us appreciate different points of views on moments in life and let them help us grow as individual instead of tearing each other down. There is so much pain and pleasure in one moment that you just have to choose which one you will embrace. The mind is your only limit; how much are you holding yourself back?

With my new self-confidence, I realized that “many of my views did not align with [others] ... but this does not make my views wrong” (Picciano 2). I have a very different mindset compared to some of my peers. I take every moment given to me and make it a positive. One cannot control everything. This is not a bad thing; it is what makes life interesting. There is no need to dwell on a mistake, mishap, or conflict. Learn the lesson, solve the problem, and move on. Every second you spend upset about the past is a second you cannot get back. It is understandable that we have to accept our feelings before we move past them, and maybe I am being too harsh, but one cannot live in the past forever.

Even with this hard-won resolve, I kept asking myself why I still was unable to be defined. Reading Alan Watts helped me realize that “we need a new experience, a new feeling of what it is to be I. Just as sight is more than all things seen, the foundation or ground of our existence and our awareness cannot be understood in terms of things that are known” (Watts 6-8).  I now understood that I cannot follow others onto a path and call it my own, that I cannot tell someone to point me in the direction I should be going in my life, that I have to buckle down and make a choice, and that it is okay if it is the wrong one, because the best part is we can always start anew. If we do not like where we are, we have to have the courage to make the change.  Being an undecided major in college you get either one of two things: you need to figure out what you are doing with your life as soon as possible or not stress about finding your career path because it will find you. I just need to experience as much as possible so that I can learn what my place is and what it is not. Alan Watts says, “He doesn't want to find himself too quickly, for that would spoil the game” (Watts 9).  If I knew too soon what I wanted with my life, the game would not only get boring, but I would not have the chance to grow past the first layer of who I am if it was easily given to me. The most important lesson to take away from this is to engulf yourself in things that scare you, be afraid, but do not let it stop you from taking a chance on yourself. You do not need to find yourself, but to create yourself (Sivan).  

I may not know who I am entirely, but I do know parts of my identity.  I have “overcome the tradition of silence” (Anzadua 8); I have grown from pain and learned to embrace myself as well as every moment given to me. I have to create, not follow, and I need to take chances to reach places I have never explored. Reading Morgan Parker’s blogpost, “Invisible Girl,” made me realize even more about who I am and who I want to be. Her words touched parts of me that I did not even know existed. She says, “She speaks not for the ears of others, but for the indulgence and dignity in hearing her own voice. She speaks the statements, she speaks the movements, she speaks for all the empty throats of the woman whose voices were drowned out by the heavy lull of time’s ignorance. She is a powerful force beckoning us towards a greater purpose yet still forcing us to find it on our own” (Parker 1). The respect for herself and for others is enchanting. Although I have much self-respect, I have had my moments of weakness. I may be viewed by my peers as a “woman who is strong, independent, and selfish in the best way” (Parker 2), but I let a man take this all away from me. This semester I got involved with a player whose charming smile lured and led me on to believe we had something real only to discover he kept cheating on me with three different girls. I avoided my torturing experience of disappointment, anger, and hatred. These feelings hit me hard when they surfaced.  I felt like everything that was not being felt grabbed me by the throat and choked all the emotions out of me that I was trying to hide. Still, it was better to blame myself for his wrong doings than actually put blame where it was due. I knew that I was seeing what I wanted to see instead of who he actually was, but I did not yet “learn to listen without fear to the voice inside [me] instead of smothering it” (Freidan 11). If I wasn’t so caught up in trying to win someone not worth winning, I would have realized that I do not need to prove I matter to someone who does not even care about me. This moment gave me clarity to trust myself in the face of adversity: “This is how we keep our tongues untamed and our feet planted in the ground. We must walk [...] with eyes wide open, a heart impenetrable and arms outstretched with fingers to grasp only what [we] want and palms to cast off that which [we do] not” (Parker 2-4). We make that choice. We choose who we become. One should not falter due to fear of speaking up for oneself.

Who exactly am I? I am a girl with a big heart, a girl who is not ashamed of who she has become, a girl who puts herself out of her comfort zone at the slim chance of finding something amazing, a girl who is passionate about the expression of emotions from others, a girl who became a woman. If someone was to paint who I am, I would be the crease in a trumpet player’s forehead as they slip into a dancing melody; the wonder in a child’s eye when they see something for the first time that they love; the strokes of a brush from a painter who has no idea what tomorrow will hold but continues in the belief that something magical may happen; the hope in a mother’s eye when they see the doctor walking toward them with news on her dying son; the tipity-taps from dancers who slide to the beat of their souls instead of the music; the gust of wind rippling under a bird’s wings in flight; the pushing and pulling of the ocean under a boat heading towards its new destination; the warmth you feel in the arms of a person you love. I am a sunrise and a sunset at the same time, bleeding colors that have not been invented yet. I am a mistake, yet I am a lesson. I am everything, yet I am still nothing. I may not entirely know who I am, but I do know that when you are born into a world you don't fit in; it is because you were born to help create a new one. Dare to change, dare to create, dare to destroy, dare to be who you are. Never be ashamed of your past because it is beautiful as you are beautiful. You may not see the value in yourself, but you do have it. You have to work for it; be courageous enough to face your fears hidden in the deepest corners of your mind. Be courageous enough to find out who you are, and once you are able to do that, refuse to settle for anyone who does not see, accept, or embrace the beautiful being that you are and have become because you worked too hard to let anything else happen otherwise. Never stop working, never stop learning, never stop daring. 

Works Cited

Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” (n.d.): n. pag. 1987. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.

Freidan, Betty. “Women Are People, Too!” Good Housekeeping. N.p., 09 Aug. 2010. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.

Parker, Morgan. "Invisible Woman", Taking Giant Steps, N.p., 9 Sept.2016. Web.

Pellington, Mark, director. The Last Word. Performances by Shirley MacLaine, Amanda Seyfried, and Philip Baker Hall, Bleecker Street and Myriad Pictures, 2017.

Picciano, Kelsey. "Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity", Taking Giant Steps, N.p., 28 Jan. 2016. Web.

Watts, Alan. "Inside Information." The Book. ABACUS ed. London: Sphere, 1973. N. pag. Print.

The Art of the Real Hustle by Victoria Wetmore

Author Victoria Wetmore with Hammad Imran

Imagine yourself as a fish thrown into a new pond for the first time. You’re unfamiliar with your surroundings, things begin to feel uncomfortable, and you’re not sure where you can and cannot swim. College is the same type of atmosphere, Hofstra included. Starting a new life at college is difficult, but it is that type of ablution that exposes us to unusual places and opportunities, both academically and recreationally. When Hofstra University’s academics become demanding, it isn’t a bad idea to seek recreational activities, such as club billiards, to lessen one’s stress, create new friendships and offer unexpected opportunities that once seemed impossible.

No matter what major that one declares, there is a certain workload that comes along with each one. When work becomes difficult and our brains become exhausted, there is this period of time where relaxation is required in order to function properly again. Some individuals will choose to watch television shows or a movie, and others choose food as a way to reboot after working hard. Personally, I take a trip out of my dorm room, into the Student Center, and down the stairs to the game room. In this space, I am able to play pool with my friends and fellow classmates. There is something about the sound produced from the contact of each ball, and the sound of breaking the rack up that is soothing and satisfying to me. This environment is a little loud, but nothing to be scared of diving into. Kelsey Picciano states, “Homeostasis, the tendency of a system or a person to maintain internal stability and resist change, can get easily upset, especially in the change from high school to college” (Picciano, par. 1). Being in the game room may be something different and scary, but doing something with others tends to make someone happier. If that happens to be playing games, then this is the place to be. Not into billiards? Take a look around the rest of the room and one will find a wide variety of gaming consoles, air hockey, ping pong, pinball, and even foosball. No matter what one’s preference is, I would still recommend billiards to anyone that walks through the automatic doors. Everybody downstairs is cordial and willing to help teach someone the basics, like the concept of angles or lining up different shots, in order to keep playing. Most of the time, members from the Hofstra Billiards Club are playing games and honing their skills for competitions, so do not hesitate to ask them to teach you something. This beneficial relaxation activity is how I get through assignments that prove to be stressful, while creating new bonds at the same time.

When I first came to Hofstra, I knew that I was having issues making new friends and didn’t feel as though I fit in with the rest of my peers. However, the moment I was approached in the game room by one of the players from the billiards club, I was introduced to a whole new world of friendship. Immediately, I felt uncomfortable being the only female in the room. Then I realized that I had to drop my protective walls and comprehend the opportunity I was given when I agreed to join this club. I had become immersed in so many different ethnicities that I was missing a chance to interact with people from all over the world because I felt insecure. The moment my anxiety subsided, I was able to make conversations with students from Pakistan, Kenya, and more of the Middle East. I also have the opportunity to talk to commuters, and others from the same state as I. Not only are there various ethnicities to learn, but one becomes accustomed to this world of billiards that differs from normal life. Billiards can teach someone both ways of making friends and various cognitive life tools. For example, pool is a problem-solving sport that allows one to look at the lay of the table and read what the next shot should be. Parallel to life, one must learn how to look at what they have and figure out what to do and where to go next. “Learning of the upmost importance occurs within our one-on-one experience, and it is the heart-to-heart, eye-to-eye conversations with our equals that provide us with life lessons that will extend further beyond our schooling years” (Picciano, par. 6).

I had the opportunity to get the personal scoop on the coach of Hofstra’s Billiards Club. Hammad Imran is not only the coach of the school’s team, but he is the captain for the American Pool Association (APA) team at Hofstra; a team that competes against other adult teams in Nassau County on Sunday nights. He is in the process of completing his Masters of Science in Finance here at Hofstra University. Hammad brings his talents, garnered from over five years of play, to the other students downstairs. If pool skills isn’t what one wants to learn from him, go on over to the ping pong table---after all, he is ranked number one in the area. From talking to him, Hammad explains billiards as, “an opportunity to play competitively with a variety of different players on and off campus” (Imran). That’s the best part, too! One does not have to be nervous when playing for the first time because there are so many players of different levels. Translated, that means that someone who is super good does not have to play a beginner. Even if one is to play someone of a higher level, they have a chance to learn something they did not know before. Again, everyone is amenable and caring downstairs, almost like a little family, and is willing to show and teach some tricks and shots that will help mold others into better players.    

Now, this idea of talking to anyone does not just apply to ethnicity, but also to gender. The game room happens to be a man-led territory. For women at Hofstra, it is a good way to immerse oneself into this community of men that share a common interest. This is also a beneficial way to break out of one’s comfort zone if one has an issue talking to people of the opposite sex. One can also see the game room as a way to stay in one's happy place and keep one's internal homeostasis intact. For someone like me, I am completely fine spending my time with a group of guys because that's what my household is like and mostly what my friend group back home consists of. On a campus where every other place puts anxiety on my comfort level, it is nice to know that I have a place to escape to that I am accepted in, even if I am the only girl down there. Don’t get me wrong; guys feel the stress of trying to fit in, too, but they just do a better job of hiding it. So, let it be known that the other men down in the game room are super cool and willing to open up and hang out. It is a healthy environment for friendship. I promise.

With friendship and techniques comes unexpected opportunities. Developing fresh and useful skills for the future is something a lot of college kids are worried about. In essence, billiards becomes the perfect trifecta for improving one’s health, meeting brand-new people, and learning something exciting to apply to something else. The act of dialogue that can occur when playing pool with someone builds communication skills that can be utilized in the future. Even when one lines up a shot, the critical thinking section of the brain fires up. Also, playing billiards against someone else can help us pick up on visual cues and read the body language of others around them. These skills become assets for students for when they are in job interviews or meeting with important people. Instead of pool following Paulo Freire’s “Banking Concept of Education,” in which, “ the teacher issues communiques and makes deposits which the students patiently receive, memorize, and repeat” (Freire, par. 5), one can receive, understand, and employ these critical thinking abilities, learned through playing pool, and apply them to situations in the future. People should know that they can physically learn, live, and experience things instead of robotically spewing back information.

In just seven weeks of being consumed by this environment, I have already done something I never thought I would do. At the age of eighteen, I am in bars on Sunday nights for fun. It is fair to add that I am on the APA Hofstra Billiards Team captained by Hammad, and they allow me to compete against the other adults in the area. I may not win every game I play, but I get the opportunity to not only put my newfound prowess to the test, but also meet many characters from around here. One of my favorite people I have met so far is a man named Jesse who is actually an alumni of Hofstra. Throughout the games, he talked to our group about possibly starting an alumni tournament at the university, which I thought would be a cool way to integrate the graduates and the current students in a friendly game. So, no, I guess I am not doing something everyone else does, but instead, I am gaining maturity and tools for the future.

By now, I have probably played pool for a combination of thirty hours since starting this assignment. I have learned to expand my little fish fins and swim to this territory of comfort to learn some techniques from my friends. I encourage other students to explore the game room a little more, and find something they like to do. Like I said, a lot of interesting people are down there and are willing to pull anyone into this fun and electric environment of crazy antics and inside jokes that keeps us laughing for hours. Even if one may think they aren’t good at something, don’t worry! Picciano told us not to worry about that and just embrace it. Learning how to deal with stress, making new friends, and building skills/ opening new doors is the true meaning to growing up, so don’t worry about it and just have fun while you can.

Works Cited

Corbett, Bob. “PAULO FREIRE: CHAPTER 2 OF PEDAGOGY OF THE OPPRESSED.” Philosophy of Education -- Chapter 2: Pedagogy of the Oppressed, faculty.webster.edu/corbetre/philosophy/education/freire/freire-2.html.

Imran, Hammad. Personal Interview. 11 Oct. 2017.

Weber, Deanna. “Leaping out of the Cave and into the Light,” Taking Giant Steps. N.p., 20 Oct. 2017. Web.

“Walt Whitman, Alan Watts, and We” by DaisyMae VanValkenburgh

The most fascinating thing about a young adult’s life is that it is always changing. There is so much room for improvement, for seeing things differently, and for trying to understand the inner self. American poet Walt Whitman and British philosopher Alan Watts demonstrate in their writing how the world around us is in constant flux, how we learn to absorb information and then decide how we will allow it to change us. When I began my first college writing class, I felt as if I was quite the cultured person, but I soon caught on that the people around me and the forum style of the class would allow me to grow a lot more than I imagined. Our many discussions of texts, especially in regard to our identity, gave me an opportunity to reach a higher level of understanding. The variety of my peers’ responses to both Asian and Western appreciations of the spiritual side of life has made me open my eyes to just how much I was unaware of. These glimpses into other lifestyles, priorities and “techniques of the sacred” have allowed me to see things much differently.

Walt Whitman in Section One of “Song of Myself” writes, “I celebrate myself, and sing myself, / And what I assume you shall assume” (Whitman 1.1.1-2).  By Whitman saying I, he speaks about his own person, but he also insinuates a cosmic (or Vedic) self that is not higher or lower than anyone else; rather he asks us to see the self as universal, something we are all a part of: “For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you” (Whitman 1.1.3). I view this as a brilliant escape from the demanding trap of the ego in which I must create, denounce, and defend a position or a personal identity in order to be comfortable or taken seriously. Whitman knows that we as individuals understand each other better when we are all involved, and that is a huge motivation for young, susceptible individuals trying to make sense of who they are. In Section 24 he calls himself “a kosmos” and adds this moral dimension, “Whoever degrades another, degrades me / And whatever is done or said returns at last to me” (Whitman 1.24. 1; 8-9).  

Indeed, the motive of “Song of Myself” strikes me as an appeal to the reader to think beyond the either/or of our perceptions. As fellow Taking Giant Steps blogger Emily Baksic astutely writes on Leaves of Grass and its relation to Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching, “The yin and yang accept the flow between one’s life and the universe counteracting together. The yin and yang represent the integration of opposites not merely as polarities, but as complements” (Baksic, Par. 5). Though we may split the universe into good and bad, we need to see how opposites attract and create a larger whole in and of itself. Whitman caused me to recognize that we are all individual entities sharing space in the same universe. No one is anything more, and no one is anything less. To insist otherwise feels like an unnecessary defense against our own urge to grow our souls. When one works with another, dates another, or speaks to a stranger, one can gain so much by putting oneself on the same level as the other. It is not worth putting oneself above or below another, just because one is speaking to an individual of a certain status. One must find oneself in others to truly grasp all the dimensions of one’s identity. As Alan Watts would say, regarding our need to make all these distinctions in status, we are “putting legs on a snake” (Watts, 11). 

       

After reading Chapter One of his The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are, I observed that Watts and Whitman are essentially singing the same song, each for their own generation. Watts’s reading of Vedanta, the end of the Vedas (knowledge), makes us as humans wonder if what we know is not what we actually need to know in order to be “in the know” (Watts, 9). Watts suggests that we must dig down deeper---beyond the masks of our personalities and the social conventions we obey without a second thought---into the taboo of the world, search a little in the unknown, and work on figuring out what the others refuse to tell us. Maybe there is “some inside information, some special taboo, some real lowdown on life and existence that most parents and teachers either don't know or won't tell” (Watts, 9).

Watts caused me to consider that life has more meaning than what we just see on the outer surface. We have to interrogate the taboos of our society and run with what the world does not want us to know. Watts states that we are “flesh or plastic, intelligence or mechanism, nerve or wire, biology or physics” (Watts, 39), a “human race leaving no more trace of itself in the universe than a system of electronic patterns” (Watts, 37). Watts asks us to look at each occurrence that happens in life differently. As he puts it, “Taboos lie within taboos” (Watts, 9), and that is where we need to search in order to find what we are missing. These hush-hush, inflammatory, unpopular, or alternative readings of the world are what students need to learn for themselves. I gratefully entertain the notion that I am not merely a separate self, alienated from others, alone and afraid, but part of the greater whole in which my individual soul (Atman) is none other than the universal soul (Brahman).

Fortunately, I first encountered these two iconoclastic writers in my middle school and high school years. Growing up a sheltered child with a mother who perennially fought health problems, I was not able to explore as much as the other children were, nor was I able to go spend time with friends as much at a young age, due to the fear of contracting an ordinary illness and getting my mother more ill. With chronic illnesses, even the simplest of colds can have severe effects on the immune system. If I did have playdates growing up, I do not remember them clearly. In second grade my thirst for knowledge wound up distancing me from my peers. However, this solitude gave me a kind of freedom. I picked up an encyclopedia in my house one day and began reading it, one book at a time. Reading led to writing, and I learned to analyze material to find deeper meanings, but also to find a larger understanding in every circumstance. I am thankful for the chance to grow my interpretive antennae at such an early age. Fellow blogger Kelsey Picciano was not so lucky: “I learned only that of the history the school chose for me to learn; I read only the literature of which the school wished for me to read; I knew only of the environment that the school wished for me to be in” (Picciano, Par. 3).

       

In middle school, my English teacher realized I had a knack for seeing things differently, so she introduced me to the 52 sections of “Song of Myself.” Whitman’s way of expressing how we as humans are comprised of experiences, ideas, and mental states, as well as a personal spiritual understanding, demonstrated so clearly that each person is part of one universal self in the world. From a young age this point of view is something that I have sought to celebrate. Likewise, in high school, my English teacher, seeing that I needed a challenge, invited me to spend my sophomore year reading Alan Watts. Once again, I found myself in the company of a real seeker willing to question everything around him to get to the bottom of things. With this inside knowledge, I realized that I was no longer going to let anyone dictate who I was becoming. I took the chances I wanted and have never looked back. Because of these self-discoveries in middle and high school, “I no longer find myself with a void sitting inside of me; I no longer solely feel my physical being; I feel my existence as my own unique individual” (Picciano, Par. 7). 

In my first semester of college, I have further realized that in order to continue my path towards a career in journalism, I need to allow my mind to wander into the unknowns of the world, as Watts teaches us, and that I must find myself within others, as Whitman illustrates. My past is no longer going to define my future; rather, my present self is going to be the guide to find out who I will become. As someone who considered herself well cultured, I found that Watts and Whitman truly challenged my homeostasis. Whitman showed me how we are all a part of the same whole, working to figure out what truly works for each of us. Watts opened my eyes to see that what we already know is not all that we need to know. We must be in constant search of what we do not know to acquire what we still need to. I realized that my best strategy as a learner, thinker and evolving writer is to break out of my comfort zone in order to challenge what it is I have yet to learn. 

Works Cited

Baksic, Emily. "Corresponding Ideas of Nature in Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass & Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching." Taking Giant Steps, 05 May 2016. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.

Picciano, Kelsey. "Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity." Taking Giant Steps. N.p., 28 Jan. 2016. Web. 07 Dec. 2016.

Watts, Alan. “Chapter 1,” The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. Share and Discover Knowledge on LinkedIn SlideShare. N.p., 25 Dec. 2015. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.

Whitman, Walt. “Song of Myself” (1892 Version)| Poetry Foundation, n.d. Web. 29 Nov. 2016.