As a college student in the twenty-first century, I have realized
that we go through many obstacles throughout our undergraduate career. We deal
with admissions, career training, and learning how to build a community for
ourselves. I have had the privilege and woes of experiencing all of this on my
own. I have had to fight to be able to apply to college, to determine my
future, and to take my first steps into this strange world. Having the
privilege of being able to apply to college should not be taken for granted.
Many people do not get the opportunity because of their religious beliefs. As a
Baptist woman, going to college was demonized by my church community. They
thought that if one went to college one was going to forget all of their values
and jump head first into the temptations of the world. Because I was raised a
Baptist, I have had many things stacked against me. My pastor told me from a
young age I had to be submissive, quiet, and have a man handle my problems. I
was not supposed to grow up and take charge of my future. Instead, I was
expected to be a mom and take care of my children while having dinner ready on
time.
I was stuck in phase one of Lawrence Kohlberg's Stages of Moral
Development. “This is the stage that all young children start at (and a few
adults remain in). Rules are seen as being fixed and absolute. Obeying the
rules is important because it means avoiding punishment” (Kohlberg diagram 1).
I had to mindlessly follow the rules that were set up for me, preventing me
from thinking for myself. I was under constant observation as my pastor and his
wife tried to turn me into a cardboard cutout of someone else. For a long time,
I just accepted everything I was being taught and considered this strange
reality normal, not knowing that there is a whole world full of opportunity and
adventure. Because of this, being able to apply to college, let alone the dream
of getting admitted, did not seem like an option for me. Sofie Ramirez stated it
best when she wrote, “We cannot get admitted [to college] if we were too
self-involved to branch out and become well-rounded people” (Ramirez, par 2).
I was taught being different and having my own thoughts were
wrong. When someone new and different came to my church for the first time
everyone would judge them based on their appearance. How was someone like me
supposed to become a well-rounded person if I was being taught to judge people
before I even knew them? Whitman stated, “Whoever degrades another degrades me”
(Whitman, par 24). So, why was I being taught that just because they are
different, it is wrong? My pastor only taught me these things because he was
afraid and believed that “places like colleges are a gilded re-education camp,
where innocent children of the entrepreneurial class are turned into
brainwashed Maoist cadres, chanting slogans and grinding away the hours in a
sexual frolic” (Frank, par 3). However, even though my pastor thought this, he
gave me permission to attend college based on my high mathematics grades. He
only permitted me to do so because he wanted me to teach at the private school
I attended. I blindly accepted his offer not wanting to be unable to provide
for myself.
This unhappy situation had happened so frequently among the women
in my church. It happened to a close friend, who got married at nineteen. She
never attended college or had a stable job making her unprepared for what life
was about to throw at her. Sadly, the man she married passed away and she was
left with two young children and no clue how to provide for them. This
situation scared me greatly and was the turning point for when I started to
think differently, breaking me out of Kohlberg’s first stage.
In Pablo Freire’s Banking Concept of Education, he states,
referring to our educational system, “[Learning is] motionless, static,
compartmentalized, and predictable” (Freire, par 2). “Students are force-fed
information only to barf it up during a test” (KP). This is a way of learning
we are forced to adapt to. It limits our creative imagination and causes us to
be mindless zombies. Thankfully, my twelfth- grade teacher, Mr. HT, taught me
to question everything I learned and to make my own judgment based off of my
analysis. He was a key component in helping me decide my career. He encouraged
each student to ask as many questions as possible believing that “authentic
thinking, thinking that is concerned about reality, does not take place in
ivory tower isolation, but only in communication” (Freire, par 22). He wanted
us to grow as thinkers and learners. He taught me that just because someone is
different it does not mean we have the right to degrade them. It was because of
Mr. HT that I had the hope of changing from my pastor’s original idea as a
teacher to something that I wanted to do. I felt the need to write. I wanted to
be able to impact the lives of others the same way that he impacted mine. I
wanted to be the light that broke others out of their cave like mentality,
where they only see shadows of things and not the whole picture (Plato). Mr. HT
expanded my mind, helping me to look at the bigger picture instead of
conforming to what others expected of me. He made me realize that, even though
having a family is a wonderful thing, “I only have one shot at this life so why
not make the most out of it” (Mr. HT)?
When I finally arrived at college I was there to learn and make
the most out of life. I was, however, greatly shocked by the people I met there.
Especially folks who were proud to be gay, proud to stand up for their beliefs,
and people who had high goals they wanted to reach. I was not used to people
being proud of who they were. These new people were not afraid to show their
differences. That is a beautiful thing. Too often we try to conform to what we
believe as perfection instead of taking a good look at ourselves and loving all
of our flaws. We also should learn to build community with people who are
different than us instead of restricting ourselves to individuals who think
like us. “Being open to diversity is the cure. . . and the secret code to
serenity” (Weber, par 9). Just from being at college I have learned that people
change people. Some might state that this is the meaning of life; however, how
are we supposed to grow from someone when they are exactly like us? Someone who
changed me, and I grew to know, and love is Sarah Baum. She is completely
different from me in every way. She made me, a straight woman, realize what
life is like as a lesbian. She taught me to use terms like “they and them”
instead of putting people in boxes by calling them “her and him.” By watching
her actions, I learned that I am the next generation. I need to have a voice
and to stand up for what I believe in. If I had not have added her to my
community I would have greatly missed out on an opportunity of learning what
life is about. Because of the impact of Mr. HT and Sarah, I was able to open up
my mind to different ideas of thinking and realize that we are all connected to
each other. Like Whitman so eloquently stated, “For every atom belonging to me
as good belongs to you” (Whitman, par 1).
Works Cited:
Gordon,
Paul Kirpal. 4 Dec. 2018. Class discussion
Lawrence Kohlberg, “The Stages of Moral Development,”
Ramirez,
Sofie. “The Gift that Keeps on Giving.” Personal Essay. 30 Oct. 18
Whitman,
Walt. "Whitman's "Song of Myself"" Modern American Poetry.
University of Illinois, n.d. Web. 05 Dec. 2018.
Frank, Thomas. “The Price of Admission.” Harper Magazine.
June 2012
Paolo Freire, “The Banking Concept of Education,” https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/947/BANKING%20CONCEPT%20OF%20ED.2.pdf
Mr.
HT. Personal Encounter. 2017
Plato, “The Allegory of
the Cave,” PDF & https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=plato+allegory+of+the+cave+cartoon&view=detail&mid=C711AFC2F023B84F2320C711AFC2F023B84F2320&FORM=VIRE
Weber, Deanna. “Leaping out of the Cave and into the Light.” Taking
Giant Steps, Kirpal Gordon, 11 Sept. 2015, http://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2015/09/leaping-out-of-cave-and-into-light-by.html
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