The Gift That Keeps on Giving by Sofie Ramirez

   

I understand what students go through with the four issues of the university industry: admissions, cost, career training, and community. I can see how all four can have the capacity to beat us all down. However, I have a unique experience that I would like to celebrate, something that puts me in a position in which these issues are something I have not had to worry about. Rather than worry, I have something to uplift others up and demonstrate that our situations never have the power to defeat us unless we give it to them. If Pablo Picasso had it right when he said, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away” (Picasso, par. 1), then my gift is the diverse background I was raised in and the woman I was raised by. Everything my mother taught me shaped the way I view the world and the part I can play to conquer its problems, rather than letting the problems conquer me. She showed me that there is so much more knowledge to be gained than what can be taught in a classroom. I learned that people must aim to strengthen their understanding of the many diverse backgrounds that make up the world and be willing to learn from each one of them. Through doing this bonding we find what makes us different and how these differences can come together in order to achieve a shared goal. We discover the unique piece of the puzzle that in turn makes the picture whole. Knowledge, experience, and empathy are the gifts that my mother gave me, and she is the gift that keeps on giving.

I believe that people have the potential to be more than the situations they are given; a poor daughter of uneducated immigrants living in the ghetto can become a first-generation college student, senior vice president of a bank, and a mother in the suburbs; a boy growing up in an abusive household may take an oath to protect and serve as an officer; someone growing up in an atmosphere of uniformity and discrimination may remain utterly fascinated with people’s differences rather than conforming to their similarities. If we are open to an empathetic and cooperative learning environment in which “... no one teaches another, nor is anyone self-taught. People teach each other, mediated by the world…” (Freire 1), as opposed to a banking concept of education, we may rise above all of the obstacles in our path. The real issue lies not in the university but the education system as a whole. We are taught that success is only real if it is for our own personal gain. However, we cannot get admitted if we are too self-involved to branch out and become well-rounded; we cannot pay for school if academic achievements alone are not enough to guarantee a scholarship; we cannot succeed in a career if not taught to work well with others and we may not enter our communities as active citizens if the only person we wish to help is ourselves. 

How then do we succeed? How do we not let ourselves get lost in the cracks, swallowed by the beast that is the university industry? If I can learn respect from Rodney and in turn he experiences kindness; if I can learn courage from Sarah and in turn show her understanding; if I, a bisexual Puerto Rican Jewish woman, am open to learning the experiences of a straight white agnostic man, have I not grown in my understanding? Have I not put my ideas under a microscope only to discover they were not so different from the beliefs of the person next to me? As Kelsey Picciano wrote in her blog post, “The reality I now knew was an expanded and fuller understanding of how I, as a single individual, fit into this whole big world” (Picciano, par. 1). If we open our hearts and our minds to the wisdom of others, we become a force so strong that nothing can tear us apart or knock us down. In Ria Shah’s blog post she wrote:

Walking the streets of Mumbai, tightly gripping my mom’s hand, a boy my age with a grin on his face, grateful for the two coins in his palm, looked me in the eye. Instead of seeing him as separate from me, I felt as if I were staring into my own reflection…. Distorted in many ways yet perfectly positioned, he was artistically flawless in delivering a unifying message. I saw myself inside his begging body. I realized at this moment that we human beings are fundamentally forbidden to shield ourselves from events outside our comfort zones. This unknown, unnamed boy, born into the lowest caste and purposefully made to warrant sympathy, rests inside all of us—it’s the voice telling us that we are all one in this meshed-out game, so struggle to be your best and I’ll struggle to be mine (Shah, par. 13).

This experience of oneness is what opened twelve-year-old Ria up to the connectivity of the world. As an adult, she sees that differences are superficial and understanding is universal. Is this not success? If all people on Earth learn that through cooperation things can improve, have we not defeated the divisive education system that aims to put us at constant odds with each other? Success is more than getting good grades; it is more than money, more than a job or a nice house surrounded by a white picket fence. Success transcends the tangible and is, in fact, achieving a reality in which human beings can work together towards the betterment of the world.

Ria’s powerful experience of Advaita (unity) reminded me of a lesson I learned at Temple Emanuel: a Jewish philosophy called תיקון עולם or Tikkun Olam. It roughly translates to “to heal the tear in the world” (Barnahum). It is the idea that our success solely depends on the ability of all people from all belief systems, races, ethnicities, political parties and walks of life to work together until the world is repaired. The reason I have not felt defeated or beaten down by the university industry is because I never came here with the idea that the classes at Hofstra University would make me whole. I came here with the idea that the people I meet, the relationships I form and the knowledge I gain outside of the classroom will lead to “the tools to live a principled, significant and meaningful life and thereby to ultimately and collectively improve society” (Gordon, par. 1). The university-industry may not defeat me if I do not give it the power to be fully in charge of all of my education. Through working together we may become individuals with a more diverse understanding in an environment in which we lift each other up rather than tear each other down:

I am a citizen of the universe. For why do you say that you are an Athenian, instead of merely a native of the little spot on which your bit of body was cast forth at birth? … When a man therefore has learnt to understand the government of the universe and has realized that there is nothing so great or sovereign or all-inclusive as this frame of things… why should he not call himself a citizen of the universe… (Epictetus 1).

 

If my mother is able to learn from her environment and if I am able to learn from my mother and if we are all able to learn from each other, then we have put ourselves in a position where we cannot possibly fail. If we get over the problems plaguing our generation---the tendency to be self-involved, distance ourselves from others and be in constant competition---we may learn from each other and achieve our success together. We are citizens of the world first, new members of our communities next, students at Hofstra and then our own people. This is not to say that we give up on who we are; on the contrary, it is that we use our unique identities to create a bigger picture.

What I am asking for is a revolution, not in the university but in our own thinking. What I am asking is that we keep our minds open to the experiences of others and use their wisdom to gain our own. We teach our communities the value of understanding, love, acceptance and תיקון עולם so that the university cannot defeat us because we have gone beyond it. One can still see the value in their degree, in their specialized education, in their own individual goals; so long as we are aware that as citizens of the universe it is our duty to use them to better society and not just ourselves. “Knowledge comes mostly from experience and from learning about the people in your world rather than learning about the world apart from them” (Parker, par 4). The university industry may seem like a tough one to beat if one thinks they are on their own. Fighting against “the system” may seem appealing until we realize that through joining it and changing it from the inside we succeed. The gift of unity is one the never ends: the gift of love and of learning. These gifts are how we succeed, these gifts are the knowledge we impart, they are the gifts that keep on giving.

Works Cited

Barnahum, Daniel, Rabbi of Temple Emanuel of East Meadow. May 2015. 

Epictetus. “The Discourses and Manual, Together With Fragments of His Writings.”

Freire, Paulo. “Banking Concept of Education”

Gordon, Paul Kirpal. “Essay 3 Prompt”. 

Parker, Morgan. “Gettin’ Queer for Dope: Learning How to Learn About LGBT Identity”. 04 February 2016. https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2016/02/gettin-queer-for-dope-learning-how-to.html

Picasso, Pablo. Personal Quote “Essay 3 Prompt” 

Picciano, Kelsey. “Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity” 28 January 2016.

            https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2016/01/forging-whitmanic-post-traditional.html

Shah, Ria. “Has The University Stolen the Fire in our Bellies?”. 27 October 2015.

            https://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2015/10/has-university-stolen-fire-in-our.html

Equal Opportunity: This Campus Was Made for You and Me by Chelsea DeBarros

My first twenty minutes of college were going great.

I was chatting it up with my new acquaintances in their residence hall during student orientation week. As rapport built, I glanced around the room. First year students stood in clusters, grouped by what local high school they had attended. I did not recognize anyone; I was the only representative from Hillcrest High School in Jamaica, Queens. All had blonde or brunette hair and blue eyes abounded---quite a shift from what I was used to. Everyone seemed to look, speak and act in the same way. With my brown skin and long, jet-black hair, I felt oddly intimidated, as if they were the white hunters and I was their dark prey.

I remembered an incident in my senior year of high school. In pursuit of financial assistance, I applied for a scholarship. Although all my West Indian friends and I did well on the interview, had high SAT scores and excellent GPAs, we were passed over. As they had done for many years the company only chose white students. This bitter memory of being seen as less than was “homeostasis upsetting,” and I flipped into a self-defense mode (Gordon, par. 2) based on FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. I did not know if my peers were biased against my background, but I did not want to create a barrier; I wanted to remain open. However, as more and more students shared their stories, I noticed the majority would be boarding. I dreaded telling them I was a commuter student. Was it my fear that they would view me as less serious or was it my own secret apprehension that as a commuter I would receive less of an education? Since I am the only Guyanese-American (with a Hindu mom and a Christian dad), would I be overlooked or unaccounted for in this university community? Unlike Woody Guthrie’s lyric, “This land was made for you and me,” I wondered if I belonged on the Hofstra campus. Little did I know at the time that the people in the Office of Commuting Student Services and Community Outreach (TOCSS&CO) would set me straight.

The process began with an introduction to my official commuter peer mentor and quite a role model. TOCSS&CO pairs peer mentors with students based on experience. For example, a transfer student will be placed with a current transfer student. Mentors are provided for students on the commuter track, transfer track, student access track and the global track. “Call me Chena,” Myrtchena Antonie said as she shook my hand (DeBarros). A senior and a proud woman of Caribbean descent, she showed me that as a person of color I was not an outcast but a part of something greater. Moreover, her encyclopedic knowledge of Hofstra’s many student services and multiple degree programs put my mind further at ease. When I told her that she was defeating my fear-based dual misperceptions of racial exclusion and that resident students receive more and commuting students receive less, she said, “We are all paying tuition to go here; there is no exclusion because we are all in the same boat” (DeBarros). In subsequent meetings I would come to learn just how academically, socially and civically engaged she has managed to become in her time at Hofstra.

According to Lawrence Kohlberg, one has reached the final stage of moral development when dignity, respect, justice, and equality are one’s guiding force behind one’s decisions in which “morality is based on the principles that transcend mutual benefit” (Kohlberg 1). To bring about my own change of mind and heart, I had to figure out how Chena achieved Kohlberg post-conventional moral levels 5 and 6. First, I acknowledged that I was limited in conventional level 4: I could take orders, follow rules and consider societal expectations. But Chena was able to think beyond the convention and communicate effectively with others regardless of their background, status or mindset. She had overcome any notion that she wassubordinate as a woman or as a person of non-white heritage. She recognized that social rules can be changed when it is necessary and inspired me to become more open minded and less defensive about those who are different from me. She helped me embrace the diversity of the Hofstra environment. When I learned that “research from the Carnegie Institute, Harvard and Stanford all reveal the same percentages for career success: 85% are people (soft) skills; only 15% are technical (hard) skills” (Gordon, par. 3), I realized that Chena combined these skills in a highly personal and compelling way. For proof, see her essay on Taking Giant Steps Press blog. The title alone, “What Do You Do with Trash: A Review of Walkabout & The Gods Must Be Crazy,” reveals her charming yet no-nonsense style.

As I grew these skills I soon learned that students may feel like outsiders for all kinds of concerns beyond color, gender and heritage, and that I have the power to help them feel more included. I also learned that many who commute often feel underrepresented because they do not board. Likewise, many resident students cannot call Hofstra their home because they are not comfortable here for myriad reasons. As Chena put it, “They don’t have a sense of belonging. That’s why we are here: to advocate for you, mentor you, and help you grow as a person so you can be your very best here at Hofstra” (DeBarros). I realized they guide and provide services for all students. I am truly grateful to Chena for her helping me unmask my issues and by modeling the change I needed to become, but I am equally grateful to Anita Ellis, who directs TOCSS&CO.

I first encountered her at Welcome Week. During the commuter presentation, Anita was engaging, funny, informative and very involved in making sure we have the necessary tools to make commuting life easier. After I met her for a one-on-one session, she was even more helpful and kind beyond my expectations; she became a friend. I often visit to see of the new events coming up or to just say hello. Her office is a place of community for commuting students, off-campus students and resident students because she provides a safe, supportive, and comfortable space for one to thrive. Anita makes sure that throughout the day, students can access free tea and coffee. After renovating the commuter lounge, she is in the process of adding comfortable couches for students to lounge around or study.

With a strong and improved sense of community comes new relationships. Chena stated, “My friends that I have met here at the commuting office have influenced me the most at Hofstra” (DeBarros). Developing friendships is crucial to becoming socially engaged. I can relate to Chena’s experience because I made new friends at the commuting office who now travel with me on the Long Island Rail Road. I have also been amazed at the number of resident students who face similar issues as commuters. In addition, regardless of housing status, TOCSS&CO gives students an opportunity to become members of the Commuters Student Association (CSA), in which students work with the commuting office to prepare events for the Hofstra calendar. These include tips on healthy diet as well as yoga and morning meditation. I always check with CSA to see what upcoming events I would like to be a part of. I follow them on social media and occasionally visit their web page to see what is new. Another program is Peer Mentoring, which has influenced me to become more involved in the HU community and caused me to want to become a mentor for incoming students. Anita states, “We encourage all of our students to integrate with their neighbors and attend our office programs” (Meet the Director). Her overall goal is to let students know that they are part of a community that will support them throughout their academic career by allowing them to become socially and civically involved.

Along with building community comes the opportunity to lend a helping hand. I have found that community service is a fun and meaningful way to become civically engaged and learn new life skills. TOCSS&CO hosts many annual community service events: Shake a Rake in which students rake leaves and help local community members; Nursing Home Bowling in which students assist senior residents of the Holly Patterson Nursing Home at the local bowling lanes; Pride, Paint, Plant in which students help the elderly plant flowers in their yard and paint their fences. Chena told me, “These events, which usually happen right around the community of Uniondale and Hempstead, are open to all students, residential included” (DeBarros). As Paulo Freire conveys, learning comes from first-hand experience: “Education as the practice of freedom---as opposed to education as the practice of domination---denies that man is abstract, isolated, independent, and unattached to the world; it also denies that the world exists as a reality apart from people. Authentic reflection considers neither abstract man nor the world without people, but people in the reflections with the world” (Freire 8). Simply put, knowledge is mostly gained from a learn-by-doing experience and “from learning about the people in your world, rather than learning about the world apart from them” (Parker, par. 4).

Perhaps the best thing about TOCSS&CO is its constant flow of valuable life skills. “Liberating education consists in act of cognition, not transferrals of information” (Friere 7). In order to be fully confident in my studies, I seek to acquire knowledge that reveals my full potential rather than just attain information that I will be tested on. Like Chena, I have found that “the commuter’s office is basically home for us” (DeBarros). Information is sent out via email, text and ads around campus. Chena noted, “It can be very difficult to get involved in the programs offered since commuters are constantly caught up in the run from home to school and don't have time to stop by the office. This is why we try to work around student schedules and make everything convenient for students. We stress communication, getting involved, taking part in the discussions and staying informed on what’s next” (DeBarros). On the more practical side, the office provides train schedules, shuttle schedules, free parking, lockers, information on commuter meal plans, tenant services for off-campus commuters, office programming, bulletin board information, car maintenance tips, transit tips, and FAQs.

Although Chena strikes me as someone who really knows what is going on, I was blown away to discover that during her first two years at Hofstra, she did not go to TOCSS&CO at all. She stated, “I did not do anything at school at all other than go to class” (DeBarros). She was caught in the fixed pattern of commuting to class and then returning home. She then addressed a problem that most of us students have. We do not reach out to the office as much they reach out to us. When asked how students can improve as learners, she said most emphatically, “We must improve our communication skills and lose the idea that seeking help or service is a bad thing” (DeBarros). By reaching out to her, I have become more independent, involved, and able to contribute to the Hofstra community. The Office of Commuting Student Services and Community Outreach has opened my mind, inspired me to be socially and civically involved, strengthened my academic skills and helped me become more well-rounded and better informed. I have come to find, like Woody Guthrie’s song, this campus was made for you and me.

Works Cited

Antonie, Myrtchena. Taking Giant Steps Press blog. “What Do You Do with Trash: A Review of Walkabout & The Gods Must Be Crazy.” 4 March.  2017, http://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2017/03/what-do-you-do-with-trash-review-of.html

DeBarros, Chelsea. “Interview with Commuter Peer Mentor Myrtchena Antonie.” 3 Oct. 2018.

Freire, Paulo. “The Banking Concept of Education.” PDF, 5 Nov. 2018

https://www.everettsd.org/cms/lib07/WA01920133/Centricity/Domain/947/BANKING  %20CONCEPT%20OF%20ED.2.pdf

Gordon, Paul Kirpal. Class Syllabus. 10 Sep 2018.

Guthrie, Woody. “This Land Is Your Land.” The Asch Recordings, Vol.1. Feb. 1940

Hofstra University, “Meet the Commuting Student Services Director.”

www.hofstra.edu/studentaffairs/commuting/commutingstudent/commutingstudent_director..html. Accessed 9 Oct. 2018.

Kohlberg, Lawrence. “The Stages of Moral Development.” PDF, 9 Oct. 2018

http://www.suttonclassroom.com/uploads/9/0/6/0/9060273/lawrence_kohlberg_chart.pdf

Parker, Morgan. Taking Giant Steps Press blog. “Gettin' Queer for Dope: Learning How To Learn about LGBT Identity,” 4Feb. 2016, http://giantstepspress.blogspot.com/2016/02/gettin-queer-for-dope-learning-how-to.html

I Dare You: Reflections on Identity by Emily Rivera

Who am I? There is no string of words that I can use to define myself, but I think that is the best definition.  How can one define what is always growing, continuously re-shaping, changing in such a way as to defy category or logic?  Over the past three months of college I have come to define myself as an individual capable of learning, re-thinking past behaviors and changing my future. Harriet Lauler, authors Gloria Anzadua and Alan Watts and bloggers Kelsey Picciano and Morgan Parker have challenged, enlarged, and resolved my sense of personal identity.

In the movie The Last Word Harriet Lauler says, “This is saying good morning, and what does that really mean?  Please don’t have a nice day.   Have a day that matters.  Have a day that’s true.  Have a day that’s direct.  Have a day that’s honest.  A nice day, mmm-mmm.  You’ll be miserable. [...] Have a day that means something” (Pellington).  This strong, independent woman goes after what she wants while challenging others to reach their true potential.  She dares the people around her to be themselves and to take a leap toward something they have always wanted but never had the courage to grab.  She understands that “wonder is not a disease” (Watts 3) but the cure. All my life I have been afraid to go after what I truly yearned for out of fear of making a horrible mistake. Just like Kelsey Picciano in “Forging a Whitmanic, Post-Traditional, Bisexual Identity,” I felt empty due to my lack of accepting myself, which further prevented me from being who I am.  I would hesitate to speak when it truly mattered and stay in situations I knew I should get out of.  I felt like my tongue had “become dry [from] the wilderness [...] and [I had] forgotten speech” (Anzadula 3).  Paralyzed in my state of silence, I felt out of place not only due to my own hands holding me by the throat, but from my unexplored culture.  My mom, a single mother, raised me, and although I admire her courage of walking away from someone who did not and could not provide what she needed, I never learned of my Puerto Rican roots.  I am a latina who cannot speak Spanish, a latina who cannot cook arroz con frijoles, a latina who cannot cherish those sobremesas. You would never guess the amount of times someone said, “No sabes tu lengua? ¡Qué vergüenza!” I hated every second of not being able to be my entire self. I blamed myself. I did not feel good enough to make my dad stay. 

In my senior year of high school this perception that I was the problem started to change.  Out of my curiosity for psychology, I learned about cognitive behavioral theory. It explains how a thought leads to an emotion which causes a behavior. For example, let’s say the boyfriend left the toilet seat up after numerous times of my asking him to remember to put it down. It causes me to think, “He does not respect me or care about my feelings.” Upset and mad, I later lash out at him for the possibly incorrect conclusion I drew from the evidence. If I could think differently about the situation, I would act and feel differently. Instead of deciding that he does not care, I could realize that mistakes happen. Since it does matter to me, I could tell him how well loved I feel when he does put the seat down, that even little things that he does for me mean so much. By sharing a positive experience of his behavior and taking responsibility for my own, I initiate rather than react in a submissive role.  Learning this theory helped me realize we have to be honest with the people around us because most relational issues are due to misconceptions of what is expected. In order to have better relations it is necessary to have the courage to freely talk to our loved ones about our emotions and thoughts. It also helped me understand that it was not really my fault that the man who was supposed to be my father did not understand responsibility and commitment. If he does not know me, I cannot blame myself for his ignorant choice.

Even though cognitive behavioral theory helped me get over my problems with my biological father, I have not yet applied this method to my lost culture. I not only have to live with that, but I also have to live with being the only one of my kind. All of my siblings are only half of me, which has made me feel out of place. Just like Gloria Anzadua, I could not identify with the standards in my life; I was on my own in a house that did not feel like a home. Reading about Gloria's struggle taught me that I have to embrace myself as who I am, so that I can become who I want to be. I have to create my place in the world instead of waiting for it to be thrust upon me; I need to have the courage to say you are wrong and not falter under my own weight. That form of family is not necessarily blood, but the people who push you to do better in life and love you no matter what.

All these events occurring in my life can be viewed as a problem that can never be solved, but in my eyes, they are lessons faced and learned. They are moments in my life that made me who I am today. I may have a terrible biological father, but I have an amazing stepfather who loves me and cares about me, and without the hardships faced from that, I would not have been able to appreciate and return that love as much as I can and do now. I may not have grown up with my culture, but that does not mean I have to live without it. As humans, we fight for what we want, and if you do not get it, you did not want it badly enough to sacrifice and push yourself to success. There is so much to gain from everything. Let us appreciate different points of views on moments in life and let them help us grow as individual instead of tearing each other down. There is so much pain and pleasure in one moment that you just have to choose which one you will embrace. The mind is your only limit; how much are you holding yourself back?

With my new self-confidence, I realized that “many of my views did not align with [others] ... but this does not make my views wrong” (Picciano 2). I have a very different mindset compared to some of my peers. I take every moment given to me and make it a positive. One cannot control everything. This is not a bad thing; it is what makes life interesting. There is no need to dwell on a mistake, mishap, or conflict. Learn the lesson, solve the problem, and move on. Every second you spend upset about the past is a second you cannot get back. It is understandable that we have to accept our feelings before we move past them, and maybe I am being too harsh, but one cannot live in the past forever.

Even with this hard-won resolve, I kept asking myself why I still was unable to be defined. Reading Alan Watts helped me realize that “we need a new experience, a new feeling of what it is to be I. Just as sight is more than all things seen, the foundation or ground of our existence and our awareness cannot be understood in terms of things that are known” (Watts 6-8).  I now understood that I cannot follow others onto a path and call it my own, that I cannot tell someone to point me in the direction I should be going in my life, that I have to buckle down and make a choice, and that it is okay if it is the wrong one, because the best part is we can always start anew. If we do not like where we are, we have to have the courage to make the change.  Being an undecided major in college you get either one of two things: you need to figure out what you are doing with your life as soon as possible or not stress about finding your career path because it will find you. I just need to experience as much as possible so that I can learn what my place is and what it is not. Alan Watts says, “He doesn't want to find himself too quickly, for that would spoil the game” (Watts 9).  If I knew too soon what I wanted with my life, the game would not only get boring, but I would not have the chance to grow past the first layer of who I am if it was easily given to me. The most important lesson to take away from this is to engulf yourself in things that scare you, be afraid, but do not let it stop you from taking a chance on yourself. You do not need to find yourself, but to create yourself (Sivan).  

I may not know who I am entirely, but I do know parts of my identity.  I have “overcome the tradition of silence” (Anzadua 8); I have grown from pain and learned to embrace myself as well as every moment given to me. I have to create, not follow, and I need to take chances to reach places I have never explored. Reading Morgan Parker’s blogpost, “Invisible Girl,” made me realize even more about who I am and who I want to be. Her words touched parts of me that I did not even know existed. She says, “She speaks not for the ears of others, but for the indulgence and dignity in hearing her own voice. She speaks the statements, she speaks the movements, she speaks for all the empty throats of the woman whose voices were drowned out by the heavy lull of time’s ignorance. She is a powerful force beckoning us towards a greater purpose yet still forcing us to find it on our own” (Parker 1). The respect for herself and for others is enchanting. Although I have much self-respect, I have had my moments of weakness. I may be viewed by my peers as a “woman who is strong, independent, and selfish in the best way” (Parker 2), but I let a man take this all away from me. This semester I got involved with a player whose charming smile lured and led me on to believe we had something real only to discover he kept cheating on me with three different girls. I avoided my torturing experience of disappointment, anger, and hatred. These feelings hit me hard when they surfaced.  I felt like everything that was not being felt grabbed me by the throat and choked all the emotions out of me that I was trying to hide. Still, it was better to blame myself for his wrong doings than actually put blame where it was due. I knew that I was seeing what I wanted to see instead of who he actually was, but I did not yet “learn to listen without fear to the voice inside [me] instead of smothering it” (Freidan 11). If I wasn’t so caught up in trying to win someone not worth winning, I would have realized that I do not need to prove I matter to someone who does not even care about me. This moment gave me clarity to trust myself in the face of adversity: “This is how we keep our tongues untamed and our feet planted in the ground. We must walk [...] with eyes wide open, a heart impenetrable and arms outstretched with fingers to grasp only what [we] want and palms to cast off that which [we do] not” (Parker 2-4). We make that choice. We choose who we become. One should not falter due to fear of speaking up for oneself.

Who exactly am I? I am a girl with a big heart, a girl who is not ashamed of who she has become, a girl who puts herself out of her comfort zone at the slim chance of finding something amazing, a girl who is passionate about the expression of emotions from others, a girl who became a woman. If someone was to paint who I am, I would be the crease in a trumpet player’s forehead as they slip into a dancing melody; the wonder in a child’s eye when they see something for the first time that they love; the strokes of a brush from a painter who has no idea what tomorrow will hold but continues in the belief that something magical may happen; the hope in a mother’s eye when they see the doctor walking toward them with news on her dying son; the tipity-taps from dancers who slide to the beat of their souls instead of the music; the gust of wind rippling under a bird’s wings in flight; the pushing and pulling of the ocean under a boat heading towards its new destination; the warmth you feel in the arms of a person you love. I am a sunrise and a sunset at the same time, bleeding colors that have not been invented yet. I am a mistake, yet I am a lesson. I am everything, yet I am still nothing. I may not entirely know who I am, but I do know that when you are born into a world you don't fit in; it is because you were born to help create a new one. Dare to change, dare to create, dare to destroy, dare to be who you are. Never be ashamed of your past because it is beautiful as you are beautiful. You may not see the value in yourself, but you do have it. You have to work for it; be courageous enough to face your fears hidden in the deepest corners of your mind. Be courageous enough to find out who you are, and once you are able to do that, refuse to settle for anyone who does not see, accept, or embrace the beautiful being that you are and have become because you worked too hard to let anything else happen otherwise. Never stop working, never stop learning, never stop daring. 

Works Cited

Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue.” (n.d.): n. pag. 1987. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.

Freidan, Betty. “Women Are People, Too!” Good Housekeeping. N.p., 09 Aug. 2010. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.

Parker, Morgan. "Invisible Woman", Taking Giant Steps, N.p., 9 Sept.2016. Web.

Pellington, Mark, director. The Last Word. Performances by Shirley MacLaine, Amanda Seyfried, and Philip Baker Hall, Bleecker Street and Myriad Pictures, 2017.

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