"I Am Who Am: A Photographic Eye to Identity" by Jennifer Scully

The mere topic of identity is already an extremely controversial discussion based on religion, philosophies, nationalities and heritages. For many, religion is a major part of their character, while others exist with no such presence in their lives. Religious and nonreligious people have more in common than one would think. Both parties believe in something; secular or not. A nonreligious person may adopt psychological outlooks into their lives just as a religious-oriented person may adopt catechismal dogmas. In both situations, however disparate, those beliefs become an element of their identity as being in this world. Despite the exhausted trend of highlighting differences in each other, we are all one human race. As Walt Whitman says in "Song of Myself," Section 1, “For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you” (Whitman).

As a person who was raised in the Catholic Church, I knew little about other religions and ways of thinking. My entire career as a Catholic  school  student had consisted of being forced fed parochial  ideologies. As expected, I regurgitated all this information onto meaningless tests and quizzes. Though I had learned and retain these things, I never digested any of it. The whole objective of schooling children in “their” religion is not only to be knowledgeable, but develop a deep faith as well. Teachers, parents and clergy just assume that, with the religious education, comes the faith. Despite this, I never had faith. I never truly believed in anything I was being taught. Perhaps I did not ponder enough or I just did not care. Either way, I have gone through life sitting in church every Sunday. And for what reason? I did not gain anything from it nor did I lose anything. No harm no foul, right? Not until quite recently did I begin to open my eyes and wake up to the disturbing reality of the Catholic Church. ‘We don’t hate homosexuals, but we can’t allow them to marry because it's contrary to natural law.’ Barring someone from being themselves and depriving them of the happiness they deserve just based on their sexual orientation seems like enough to label the Church as homophobic. This is just one of many examples of  my realizations about the truth of the Church. The word “catholic” alone means something that is “of interest to all” and has “sympathies with all.” I find that rather ironic. 

Homophobia, prevalent in the Church, stems from  fear of unknowing. Within a book called The Four Agreements, the author Don Miguel Ruiz explains an ancient Toltec (Mexican) wisdom. He discusses a conscious relationship between ourselves and the world. These entities are referred to as “dreams.” There exists our “personal dream” and the “outside/society dream.”  Though very separate, these dreams feed into each other.  The outside dream “includes all of society’s rules, its beliefs, its laws, its religions, its different cultures and ways to be, its government, schools, social events and holidays” (Ruiz 2). On the other hand, the personal dream is “what you believe, all the concepts you have about who you are, all the agreements you have made with others, with yourself, and even with God” (Ruiz 16). Everyone’s personal dreams are different yet we all live bound by the society dream. According to the Toltecs, we make agreements throughout our lives without even being aware. When we are born, we are given a name. We did not have a chance to choose that name, but we agree to it anyway. It is the same with religion. As children, our parents may bring us up in a certain religion and without choice, we agreed to it. As we grow older, we are able to choose for ourselves. Despite this, “the agreement is so strong that even if we understand that concept of it not being true, we feel the  blame, the guilt, and the shame occur that if we go against these rules” (Ruiz 11).

In regards to my Catholic upbringing, I feel that exact way. I have personally rejected all of the teachings, but the people who raised me have not. In refusing to attend mass on Sundays, my dad was extremely disappointed. When I told him that I no longer identify as Catholic, he was perplexed, asking “what about your faith?” He could not understand that I never had faith. I started to feel guilty. I did not only want to dissatisfy him but, most especially, my grandfather. Due to the fear of shame, my grandfather still is unaware of my parting with the Church. Being the case, I cannot be honest about myself and must censor my (lack of) beliefs. Fear is everywhere. Fear controls the outside dream (violence, addictions, injustices), thus controlling the personal dream. Concerning the Church, “the whole dream is based on false law. Ninety five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all these lies” (Ruiz 13). Lies such as a gay person is a bad human being or that women should be suppressed (for patriarchal benefit) are perpetuated by the Catholic Church. This incites fear in both the oppressor and in the oppressed, furthering a division of  the human race.

In The Book: On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are, author Alan Watts refers to one of the biggest taboos known to humankind: sex. Many parents avoid or hesitate telling their children about the source of all life. It is so taboo that Watts mentions a Japanese tradition in which the parents give their children what is called a “pillow book” instead of informing them correctly. The book simply depicts sexual manners, leaving the reader uneducated about the biological and spiritual aspects. Some may compare this book to the likes of pornography or other “dirty” material. This not only produces ignorant humans, but also maintains sex as a taboo. A similar situation is present in the Catholic Church. Growing up, I always had to dress nicely for Sunday mass. And when I say “dress nicely,” I mean covering up. Showing “too much skin” was inappropriate for that atmosphere, for I was in the presence of God. Physical modesty is valued, to say the least. Thinking back now as an educated (and religiously detached) eighteen-year-old woman, it is almost disturbing. If little girls are  told to “cover up” by  (usually) older men, wouldn’t that suggest that these girls are being sexualized? Most young girls are unaware of sex yet they are already victims of the taboo. This unwritten rule of modesty preserves the objectification of females. Throughout my schooling, I was always taught that sex was essentially bad and sinful. If it is so shameful, then why does the Church perpetuate it?

Religion is hardly a basic belief system. Watts describes it as being “divisive and quarrelsome.” Under the guise of a faithful international congregation, he calls religion as simply a “form of one-up-manship.” This is especially prevalent in the Roman Catholic Church. It is almost as if the entire religion is based on exclusivity, not Jesus. Even from a very young age, I could sense the strong emphasis of good versus evil. In most situations, “evil” was essentially anything that contradicted the Church’s teachings. Of course, everything about the Church was good and holy. If you prayed, attended weekly mass, went to confession regularly and received communion, you would be “saved.” If you neglected those duties as a Catholic, you were on a path to damnation. It is taught that only through Christ can one gain salvation from the fires of Hell. Though the message of salvation is not delivered as harshly as it was in the early Church, that idea is still in the foundation of  belief. Due to this attitude, the Church has been attempting to “save” people for hundreds of years through missionary conversions. Missionaries travel the world to different civilizations in hopes of converting peoples, disregarding their pre-existing belief systems.

Religions, such as Catholicism, truly place people in a box in which there is no way to get out.  Devoted Catholics declare themselves as followers of Christ. It is as if every Catholic is looking through binoculars, cutting off their peripheral views. Not only are they ignoring other beliefs, but rejecting them as well. This is an extremely close-minded and hostile mentality despite the fact that faith should be the epitome of open-mindedness. Despite that aspect, the teachings of the Catholic Church are haunted by the recurring theme of love. Nearly every homily that I have ever sat through was based on the significance of love. However, the entire scene implies a major contradiction. If God is love, why would “He” make existence so difficult? This was especially curious to me, as I was witness to hate and inequality towards women, people of color and members of the LGBTQ+ community within the Church. As a young child, every Catholic is told that “Jesus loves them.” That phrase is repeated so often that one must wonder if the Church is overcompensating for something. The bulk of the “Catholic contract” expresses love, but most fail to read the fine print.

In accordance with Catholicism, Watts examines the human mentality of identity as me against them. He explains, “Most of us have the sensation that 'I myself' is a separate center of feeling and action, living inside and bounded by the physical body—a center which 'confronts' an 'external' world of people and things, making contact through the senses with a universe both alien and strange” (Watts). In reading that, I can relate greatly. This is the mindset that incites fear (just as the outside dream does in The Four Agreements) and thus is cause for my personal anxieties and feelings of aloneness. Common phrases, such as “I came into this world,” bolsters human division. As products of the universe, we should be saying that we “came out of the world.” Watts channels poet Walt Whitman in saying that “every individual is an expression of the whole realm of nature, a unique action of the total universe” (Watts).  Though I know these things to be true, I do not have a conscious sense of  it in my daily life so I go on as viewing myself as an outlying entity. In recognizing the world as an external existence, humans feel obligated to conquer. So far, we have quelled everything known to our life such as nature, space, people and more. We must realize that the world is not foreign, but is merely an extension of our own bodies.

In reading Whitman, I immediately noticed a stark contrast to the Catholic creeds previously preached to me. With Whitman, you yourself is god, not a bearded man in the sky. In "Song of Myself," Section 24, he truly challenges the church with, “Divine am I inside and out, and I make holy whatever I touch or am touch'd from, The scent of these arm-pits aroma finer than prayer, This head more than churches, bibles, and all the creeds” (Whitman). With Whitman, everything existing around you, including yourself, is god as seen in Song of Myself 1, “My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air” (Whitman). With Whitman, the human race is one with not only each other but with nature. He declares in "Song of Myself," Section 24, “No sentimentalist, no stander above men and women or apart from them…. Whoever degrades another degrades me, And whatever is done or said returns at last to me.” The same theme is present in "Song of Myself," Section 52:  "I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love, If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles…….You will hardly know who I am or what I mean, But I shall be good health to you nevertheless, And filter and fibre your blood” (Whitman).  For every  close-minded belief I was taught, Whitman has an open- minded counter thought.

In terms of Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, the “cave” in my life was not only the Catholic Church, but my hometown as well. Poughkeepsie is a  cave in the sense that it is a one-track minded, isolated city where many of the people in the community stick to the status quo. Just as Catholicism does not allow room for other beliefs, Poughkeepsie is very exclusive in its way of thinking and the general lifestyle. My fellow high school peers were very insensitive and hateful towards people not of their ilk. I saw that same behavior in the Catholic Church. Arriving here at Hofstra was a culture shock of sorts for me. It is a completely different world where there is inclusivity and students can be whoever they are without receiving constant ridicule. Every time I go home, it is as if I have stepped back into that cave of ignorance and  animosity.

Works Cited

Watts, Alan. “Chapter One: Inside Information .” The Book: On the Taboo against Knowing Who You Are, terebess.hu/english/AlanWatts-On%20The%20Taboo%20Against%20Knowing%20Who%20You%20Are.pdf.

Whitman, Walt. “Song of Myself .” Leaves of Grass .

Ruiz, Don Miguel. The Four Agreements . Amber-Allen, 2012.

Plato . “The Allegory of The Cave .” The Allegory of The Cave .

Gettin' Queer for Dope: Learning How to Learn about LGBT Identity by Morgan Parker



When I met Sarah on August 28th, 2015, I saw a very shy and sheltered Mormon-raised girl. When I met Josh two weeks later, I saw a very bright and bubbling boundary-breaking guy. I’d never imagine that these two distinct identities and two distinct personalities came from one single person. My roommate is transgender, and while he was in the process of translating his entire identity, I was adjusting my mind to the prospect of not only meeting, but living with, a person entirely new. Despite any initial apprehension, I know that I am among the luckiest freshmen for having been blessed with this life-changing experience. I have been enlightened and I owe it all to a little club on campus and a new friend named Josh. This club, known as the Pride Network, epitomizes a true community that offers the unique opportunity for diversifying, involving, and inspiring our minds within a safe and supportive environment. Hofstra Universitywould surely be a different place if it did not exist.

In her September 11, 2015 Taking Giant Steps blogpost, “Leaping out of the Cave and into the Light,” Deanna Weber discusses her yearning for the diversity and experience that Hofstra University provides. She writes, “Not only did I long for students who did not look so much like me, but I also wanted to encounter people with more experience about different places and points of view” (Weber). However, just because so much diversity surrounds us at a place like Hofstra, that doesn’t mean that we are taking advantage of it. As college freshmen, we are especially in the dark when it comes to challenging and diversifying our minds. However, my roommate Josh Green and his friend Matt Sullivan are one step into the light ahead of everyone else. My interviewees were brave enough to be involved with something outside of their comfort zone and, in return, were met with great reward. This is because The Pride Network embodies a form of diversity that is entirely attainable. Matt says, “It’s all about learning, and it’s very comfortable. The purpose is that everyone is welcome” (Sullivan). This is a deliberate characteristic of the club whose main goal is to better the community through awareness. These are people who invariably know that the more differences you have from the person sitting next to you, the more opportunities you have to learn something new. These are people who know how to make every person they meet into an asset.

Moreover, the Pride Network concerns itself with learning outside of Hofstra University by organizing trips and other opportunities for students to attend. Recently Matt, along with other members of the club, ventured to Vermont to attend a “Translating Identity” conference that explored a number of topics regarding gender and transgender identities, expressions, and communities. The conference featured a keynote speaker prominent in the LGBTQ community and aimed not just to reach students and members of this community, but the entirety of the nation (“Translating Identity Conference”). Enlightening experiences, such as this conference, are available and accessible to all interested club members, and are widely encouraged! The goal is for students to see more and learn more outside of what they are comfortable with by breaking free of any means of restriction. Becoming a member of this club provides the first step in our own “leap out of the cave,” and gives us that first glimpse of light. The Pride Network’s overwhelming desire to educate and interact is what makes it crucial to the infrastructure of our “diversity university.”

Beyond the idea of education as a means of opening ourselves up to diversity, the Pride Network provides an experience for those seeking to “learn how to learn” through involvement. As products of the traditional learning pedagogy, we have been programmed to believe that true learning only exists by the guidance of a teacher within the four walls of a classroom. However, the Pride Network proves that belief is far from true. Opportunities for involvement in club meetings and social interactions offer a greater, more valuable kind of learning. Paulo Freire, author of “The Banking Concept of Education,” provides an explanation of this ideal form of learning in what he calls “problem-posing education.” He writes, “Education as the practice of freedom as opposed to education as the practice of domination denies that man is abstract, isolated, independent, and unattached to the world; it also denies that the world exists as a reality apart from people. Authentic reflection considers neither abstract man nor the world without people, but people in their relations with the world” (Freire 8). In other words, knowledge comes mostly from experience and from learning about the people in your world rather than learning about the world apart from them.

Furthering this idea, at a typical Pride Network meeting, members begin by sitting around a table and introducing themselves to everyone before beginning the discussion of that week. When Matt and Josh sat down at their first meeting, their minds were still forced shut by fear and anxiety. However, within the first five minutes, those feelings subsided and their minds were engaged. Matt noted, “When we got into a circle and introduced ourselves, everyone seemed more relatable” (Sullivan). Dissolving formality and opening up to discussion is one of many ways the Pride Network runs parallel with Freire’s ideal learning pedagogy. The club holds weekly discussions of current and pressing social issues that are “fun to talk about” (Sullivan). For instance, they recently ran a meeting for people who were interested in discussing the Democratic Party debate that had aired just a few days prior. Additionally, at most meetings they will break up into smaller discussion groups to consider more specific or personal issues. As Paulo Freire put it, “Here, no one teaches another, nor is anyone self-taught. People teach each other, mediated by the world, by the cognizable objects which in banking education are ‘owned’ by the teacher” (Freire 7). Seldom does one find the opportunity to involve oneself in something that, by nature, gives more than it takes. Simply being there is the greatest thing you can offer the Pride Network, but in return it gives you back something much greater.

One of the most intriguing things Josh ever said to me was that somehow Hofstra felt like a home to him before his own body did. As difficult as it was for me to comprehend such a statement, it was also oddly empowering. I didn’t really understand the true impact it had on me until I attended a meeting of the Pride Network for myself: If ever I could be a real fly on the wall, I certainly would have been at that meeting. My goal was to be an objective observer, so I could focus more on the big picture than on my own involvement. However, there is certainly something to be said about being the only person in the room who is somehow different from everyone else. I didn’t feel anxious or nervous, but I certainly felt out of place. After a few minutes of feeling that way I remembered Josh’s comment, and I started to understand what it really meant to me, as well as everyone else in the club. For those fifteen minutes of feeling outside of my comfort zone, any other person in the room could have spent fifteen years feeling the same way. For one reason or another, not everyone has a comfort zone they can depend on returning to and I realized I had been taking mine for granted. This was a place made for people to belong; a comfort zone for those who may not have their own.

Ultimately, it is the atmosphere at the Pride Network that breathes inspiration and positivity. Everywhere I looked I could see someone inhaling the Pride Network and exhaling with relief and confidence. This is a place where the only thing you might have in common with the person sitting next to you is that you are different. This is a place where everyone feels entirely content to be wholly and unapologetically themselves. Finally, this is a place where everyone can feel a part of something greater. Beyond everything I have written, to say that this club has changed people’s lives would still be an understatement. My roommate, Josh, may never have been confident enough to become himself had the Pride Network not been ready to catch him when his old life came crashing down. As Deanna Weber wrote, “I am big on self-love and self-happiness, and diversity is something that can contribute to both of these things” (Weber).

The Pride Network offered me the kind of enlightenment Deanna Weber spoke so much about. Although I may not yet have made my leap into the light, I feel confident that this experience has equipped me with the means by which to do so. I learned that I have the responsibility to not only observe, but immerse myself in, the diversity that surrounds me. I learned what it means to really learn. Most crucially, I learned that everything around me has something to offer me if I am willing to look hard enough.

Works Cited

Freire, Paulo. "The "Banking" Concept of Education." Plato (2007): n. pag. Web.

Green, Josh. Personal Interview. 14 Oct. 2015.

Sullivan, Matthew. Personal Interview. 14 Oct. 2015.

"The Internet Classics Archive | The Republic by Plato." The Internet Classics Archive | The Republic by Plato . N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2015.

"University of Vermont." Translating Identity Conference. N.p., n.d. Web. 19 Oct. 2015.

Weber, Deanna. “Leaping out of the Cave and into the Light,” Taking Giant Steps. N.p., 11 Sept. 2015. Web.