Genevieve Maloouf and her grandmother Genevieve |
Learning how to learn
was something I had to discover. Without it, I would not have learned how to
write in my own voice. Like most of my peers, I entered my first college
composition class at odds with, yet clinging to, the five-paragraph formula
(say what you’re about to say, say it, then tell us you told us). I delivered little
of my own views and nothing in terms of a personal style or level of persuasion.
To be kind to my high school English teachers, their writing prompts did not
inspire my imagination. Hence, told over and over I was a bad writer, I agreed. Until now.
Nevertheless, my
first essay, the worst of the four I would write over the fifteen weeks, was
not very imaginative. Despite the solve-it-your-own-way originality of the “problem-posing”
Freire-esque assignment---convince the class that your classmate is an asset to
us---I approached it with a predictable, pre-fabricated, fill-in-the-blanks mindset
driven by fear. I was accidentally blessed to have two student interviewees because
I got so much better in the second interview, though I would make plenty of mistakes
in grammar and punctuation in each essay that I would soon learn to self-correct.
Worse than the mistakes, I was not yet the author. I had no author-ity for I did
not witness my experience of these peers; I merely reported data. Consequently,
I uncovered only three of the four hidden challenges in Essay 1: how to ease
out of one’s comfort zone, build real rapport with a peer and develop confident
interview skills. The final challenge, to celebrate the gifts and talents of
one’s peer in persuasive paragraphs, remained obscure. Yes, my people skills helped
open a floodgate of material for rapport came easily; the SWOT approach framed the
interview most efficiently; both students poured out so much candid,
enthusiastic information which I dutifully recorded. However, I could not fit
it all into the restrictions of the five-paragraph container I was still focused
on (along with the grade) at the expense of engaging readers. Until Essay 2.
Essay 2’s
challenge was to increase our people skills by moving the interview from peers
to adult service providers at the university and celebrate their service and talents
in persuasive paragraphs. I feel proud to have broken out of my comfort zone
about approaching adults who I admire, and my interview skills and level of rapport
deepened. I enjoyed the chance to write on something I had so positive an
experience of. I interviewed a student and a "real
adult" who worked behind the desk at the library. Now I was no
longer reporting or repeating facts; I was digesting and shaping them into a
point of view. Although the essay
persuaded, it did not evoke my
subject’s true colors. I still lacked the finesse to stimulate the reader’s imagination. Until I got the hang of the journal.
Although I
initially resisted it, the daily journal assignment birthed my critical skills,
and from an increased confidence in analyzing data, I grew more creative. Five
times a week I sat down and wrote a summary of the class sessions and the
week’s readings that was chronological, complete and evocative followed by a
critique of the subject matter. Walking the tree-lined path from dormitory to
classroom to class, I recalled that I had last written a journal back in
seventh grade, and that I never volunteered to read aloud in the systematic
chaos that was my high school because unless one’s opinion was the teacher’s
opinion in a higher pitched voice, it was wrong. I told myself that college was
going to be different. I was going to attain confidence in myself and improve
my writing. So when the second class began, a number of my peers volunteered to
read their journals, and I, too, raised my hand. I would have preferred to read
third of fourth, but called on first, I had no choice. I read slowly and
uncertainly. Everyone responded positively and no one gave criticisms, but I
knew my classmates were too polite. KP, on the other hand, still very
supportive, brought to my attention the flaws in the journal entry and the
missing pieces in chronology and critical analysis. Even though I was shaken up
by reading my writing aloud followed by feeling sheepish for misjudging the
assignment, this proved to be the first of many discoveries. Determined to
write the journal that KP was aiming for, I wanted to have at least one entry I
could feel proud of. This meant completely letting go of my fears in
self-expression and in reading to others. To my surprise, that didn’t take very
long to achieve. I read aloud from my journals, and the responses got better
and better. Such positive feedback caused me to take the
assignment more seriously. It was the first time I ever felt confident in
anything I wrote. Nevertheless, I still had something missing. Then,
eureka: My sixth journal entry was the breakthrough! Perhaps because of my
constant practice and/or the astute feedback from others, I had managed to
weave evocation, chronology and completeness with a critical appraisal that
cited exact examples. I got inside my listeners’ heads and stimulated their
memories and imaginations while persuading them to see it my way. KP and the
class bragged all over it. The individual pieces came together in a new
Gestalt. I could not believe I had finally written a complete entry in which
every word worked. Later, I realized that the journal’s 75 summary-critique
assignments incrementally helped me organize my thoughts and feelings into a
coherent whole. However, I was unable to produce this in a hand-in assignment.
Until Essay 3.
Essay 3 involved
writing in response to six readings that focused on the contradictions and
malfeasance of the American university industry. I became aware of how each
author demonstrated a distinctive voice, whether comical, provocative,
confrontational, metaphorical, urgent or indicting. I proved to myself I could
get readers to understand my perspective and form an opinion of their own. I
also grew a lot better in quoting from these sources to support my own thesis. Clearly,
the learning challenge in Essay 3 was to translate the SWOT mindset of an astute
interviewer into that of an astute reader of essays. It gave me my greatest opportunity
to develop rhetorical strength: anticipating the counter-argument to back up my
own argument. By interpreting the antithesis to my point of view, I learned how
to reduce its impact and give the reader a wider, more inclusive perspective. I
was really digesting data and synthesizing ideas. Nevertheless, I had not yet
grown fully into my writing voice. Until Essay 4.
The wide range
of the seven writers I read challenged many issues regarding my sense of
personal identity. For example, convinced that the way to create an identity
that stood out against social conformity was to detach and separate oneself
from society, I became confused when Alan Watts claimed that we should leave
our egos behind us and come to the realization that we are all bounded
together. I felt this view contradicted
Emerson and Thoreau, but then I gave it more thought. Transcendentalism never stated we had to
dispatch ourselves from society, only that we shouldn’t feel compelled to
conform but to follow our own drummer. Both
Martin Luther King Jr. and Walt Whitman celebrated a cosmic sense of identity
that brought to the surface my own small mind and helped me grow into a more
open person. Plato furthered challenged me to break out of my shell of
ignorance and caused me to question how I see the world. After reading his cave allegory I was left in
a state of contemplation and shock. Frederick Douglass toppled the greatest
impediment I could face: going against social laws and norms. His determination
to learn how to read and write shaped his identity into a leader who refused to
give up. The biggest way to go against a
conforming society, though, is acceptance of oneself, which Gloria Anzaldua had
proved when talking about her childhood struggles. Her standing up for her Hispanic heritage and
sexuality in a society that shamed her for both gave her the identity most
people strive for: being proud and independent from society’s beliefs. This
notion returned me to King’s proactive message that society stands stronger
when we all express our identity without fear and Whitman’s message that nature
is the puzzle we all fit into. When I caught on that we live in a
multi-dimensional world, I felt like a new person. At first I had been left
with shattered ideas, but when I finished reading all of them, my shattered
pieces glued back together into a new understanding. By not being afraid to
confront data that threatened my outlook, I found my writing voice.
Learning is an
amazing gift that only some of us fully understand. Most people only focus on the grade, but I
learned that the grade doesn’t reflect on how one learns. To quote my greatest inspiration: “Education
thus becomes an act of depositing, in which the students are the depositories
and the teacher is the depositor.
Instead of communicating the teacher issues communiqués and makes
deposits which the students patiently receive, memorize and repeat,” (Friere, 1).
This class has taught me how to learn.
Fortunately, my
search for who I am did not end when this class did. My initial goal in college
was to devote my life to my favorite form of expression, that is, music specifically
from the Romantic era, which has always been a “go to” when I needed to just be
me. How could I not spend the rest of my life studying music of the composers
who inspired me? As it turns out, one need not to major in music to do so. I
found my music major status put me in the company of hyper-competitive students
who were willing to sabotage each other to boost themselves, an unhealthy
environment for those who want to learn for the sake of learning. Math, on the
other hand, has a different atmosphere: everybody encourages learning together
because what better way to learn than from each other? This couldn’t be a
better fit for me, especially because my passion for math is just as strong as
my passion for music. Although majoring in music injured my appetite for it, majoring
in math enhanced it. Not to say that one major is superior to another, but rather,
they gear towards opposites. My favorite consequence of the switch was finding
another puzzle piece to who I am and what it means to be me.
Works
Cited
Anzaldua, Gloria. “How to Tame a
Wild Tongue,” Web.
Douglas, Fredrick. “Learning to
Read and Write,” Web.
King, Martin Luther. “Letter from
Birmingham Jail,” Web.
Plato. “The Allegory of the Cave,”
Web.
Watts, Alan. “The Book: On the Taboo
Against Knowing Who You Are,” Web.
Whitman, Walt. “Song of Myself,”
Web.